


we'll find a way

by phoebenavarro



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, bare: A Pop Opera - Hartmere/Intrabartolo
Genre: Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Dealing With Trauma, Drug Use, Everyone is Queer, Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jeremy Heere Has ADHD, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, References to Musicals, References to Video Games, Shopping Malls, Summer Vacation, squip squad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-27
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-05-20 13:24:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19377604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phoebenavarro/pseuds/phoebenavarro
Summary: Six months after the Squip, Jeremy is doing pretty good. He and Michael are closer than ever, he's dating Christine, and he's found genuine friendship with each person in the Squip Squad. Things aren't perfect; there are still days when one snide comment too many from the lingering voice of the Squip in his mind will send him into a tailspin, but he's coping.The same can't be said for Peter. Peter, fresh off the grief of losing Jason, is a mess. He's isolated himself from everyone except Nadia. He's spiraling, and his mom is at a loss for what to do.So she sends Peter to visit his cousin Jeremy, and together they have to find some way through.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooo this is an entirely self-indulgent crossover fic between bare and bmc! I don't think you need to be familiar with Bare to read this, but it will certainly help! There's a surprising amount of parallels between bare and bmc that inspired this fic (mostly: there's a play within the play and everything goes to shit during the play) also I just really love bare and I think more people should be aware of it!
> 
> Peter is Jeremy's cousin on his dad's side, and that part of the family is very catholic. (Jeremy's dad left the church wayyy before Jeremy was born.) Peter is a year older than Jeremy, and this is set the summer after the events of both shows- basically immediately after graduation and Jason's death for Peter, and six months or so after the Squip incident for Jeremy.
> 
> also warnings for pretty much anything mentioned in-canon of either show. The referenced suicide is Jason

    Jeremy absently fidgets with his sleeves. His dad really dropped a bomb shell on him today — oh, your cousin is going to stay with us for a month because he’s gay and his boyfriend killed himself and your aunt doesn’t know how to handle it. It’s a lot to take in, and the whole thing is really bothering him. His fidgeting is a habit the squip had not been able to kick, try as it might. He catches himself, still half expecting a shock, even after all these months, and he sits on his hands in an attempt to still them. Almost immediately he starts bouncing his leg, and when he notices he lets out a sigh. He isn’t gonna be able to be still until he talks this out with someone. Jeremy picks up his phone and shoots Michael a text, asking him to come over. It’s not an unusual request; Jeremy and Michael often go to the other’s houses at the drop of a hat. The Squip, thankfully, has been silent since Jeremy got the news. Ten minutes later, the doorbell rings, and Jeremy goes to let Michael in. They sit next to each other on the floor in Jeremy’s room, and Jeremy tries to think of a way to explain what was going on to Michael.  
  
    “So what’s up?” Michael asks. Jeremy rubs his face and sighs.  
  
“I just found some shit out and it’s just. I can’t get it out of my head, it’s like a feedback loop in there, I just keep thinking about it.” Michael nods.  
  
“Yeah, I know how you get. Tell me what’s going on.” Jeremy gives Michael a small smile of gratitude and bumps shoulders with him.  
  
“Do you remember my cousin Peter?” Jeremy asks. Michael had met him several times when they were kids, because Michael has pretty much always been basically family.  
  
“Yeah, the one who went to a boarding school?” Michael replies. Jeremy nods.  
  
“Well, my dad just told me that he’s gonna come stay with us for a month this summer, because some really fucked up shit happened to him and my aunt doesn’t know what to do about it.” Michael frowns.  
  
    “What kind of fucked up shit?”  
  
“I don’t know all the details,” Jeremy says, and he crosses his arms, “But here’s the basics: turns out Peter’s gay—“ Michael cuts him off immediately.  
  
“Isn’t that side of your family like, super catholic and homophobic?” Jeremy nods.  
  
“Yeah. And his school is catholic too.”  
  
“Oh no,” Michael says, “I see where this is going.”  
  
“No, it’s worse.”  
  
“Oh no,” Michael echoes, more distressed this time.  
  
    “So, he had a secret boyfriend, but something went wrong, and they broke up. The boyfriend had sex with some girl to try to prove to himself that he’s straight or something, I don’t know. And then the girl got pregnant.”  
  
“Yikes,” Michael mutters.  
  
“Yeah, big yikes.” Jeremy sighs. He looks down at his hands and starts picking at his nails as he talks. “And then some asshole outed them to the entire school, and the boyfriend overdosed on drugs and died.”  
  
“Wait, overdosed on accident or purpose?”  
  
“I think on purpose,” Jeremy whispers.  
  
“Jesus _christ_ ,” Michael says, “That is so fucked up. What the _fuck_.” He sighs angrily. “I knew these kinds of things still happened, but fucking hell.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I guess public school’s not so bad, huh?”  
  
“That’s not saying much,” Jeremy replies, “I’ve never been so happy that my dad converted when he married my mom and mostly kept me away from the ultra catholic side of the family. I already have enough shame and self-loathing, I don’t need any more, thank you.”  
  
    “I can’t even imagine what that was like for him,” Michael says, “Having to be in the closet at an ultra catholic boarding school…” Jeremy nods in agreement.  
  
“He must’ve felt so alone. I… I wish he’d reached out to me at some point. We used to be so close, and— I don’t know. Maybe I could’ve helped?” He shrugs. That’s what’s really been bothering Jeremy, thinking that Peter had been dealing with all of this alone.  
  
“Jeremy, you know I love you, but even if he had told you, I don’t know what you could’ve done to help. You were too busy taking care of yourself to take care of anyone else.” Michael’s right, of course. “But you can help him now, so that’s what you should focus on, you know?”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right.” Jeremy’s starting to feel better. This will give him something to focus his energy on, rather than dwelling on how sad and angry he is that this happened to Peter.  
  
     _It’s cute that you think you can help anybody_ , the Squip remarks, _Remember what happened the last time you tried?_ As always, the Squip picks the worst possible time to chime in. _Because I do._  
  
_And whose idea was that?_ Jeremy snaps back in his head, and he immediately regrets it. Giving the Squip any attention at all is always a bad idea.  
  
_The plan was mine, but you went along with it willingly. Even enthusiastically, I’d say_ , the Squip replies cooly. Jeremy is trying to push the Squip’s voice to the back of his brain, but that comment is getting under his skin. He wants to shout back, ‘Yeah, because you fucking brainwashed me into thinking it was a good idea,’ but he knows arguing with the Squip doesn’t work. It never works, but goddamn, he wishes it did—  
  
    Michael gently shakes his shoulder, and Jeremy snaps back into reality.  
  
“Jer?” Michael says, “You had that look in your eye. Squip acting up?” Jeremy nods. He sighs, unable to shake the doubt the Squip planted in his mind.  
  
“I know everything the Squip says is bullshit and I shouldn’t let it get to me,” Jeremy says, “But how am I gonna help Peter? I’ve never dealt with anything like this before. What am I supposed to say?”  
  
“Okay first of all: fuck the Squip. That’s just a blanket statement forever. And second: you’re much better at emotions than you think you are. You don’t even have to say anything, sometimes just listening is enough.” Michael puts an arm around Jeremy and squeezes his shoulders. Jeremy leans against him.  
  
“I guess,” he sighs.  
  
    “And you don’t have to do it alone. You never have to do anything alone. You’ve got me and Christine and everybody else.”  
  
“Yeah, you guys are great,” Jeremy replies. He’s feeling better again. “And you know what, we’re a group of queer people, and we’re happy! We’re dealing with our shit! And we can show Peter that being queer is not a condemnation to be miserable forever.”  
  
“Fuck yeah, dude!” Michael gives him a high five. Jeremy hooks their fingers together and holds Michael’s hand for a bit, and Michael snorts. “…Just maybe take it slow on the gay stuff. I mean, he’s been outed by someone he must have trusted, and he’s lost a lot. Not to mention internalized homophobia… Oof.”  
  
“I remember how rough it was for me,” Jeremy says, “For you. For Rich, Christ, for everybody. And the Squip situation definitely didn’t help.” Michael nods. “But I can’t even begin to wrap my head around what Peter’s feeling.”  
  
“Me neither,” Michael agrees, “But we’ll figure it out. And you should probably let the rest of the squad know what’s going on. Otherwise they’ll worry if you get busy and stop responding to messages.”  
  
    So Jeremy updates the rest of the squad on the situation, but first he tells Christine, because they’re probably not gonna get to spend a ton of time together when Peter’s there. Christine is understanding. “Poor guy,” she texts, “I’m trying not to get too mad on his behalf since I haven’t even met him yet, but I’m already ready to fight for him. Let me know what I can do to help. You know you’ve got one more ace up your sleeve.” Jeremy sees what she did there.  
  
“Nice newsies reference,” he texts back. “OH and ace pun! Two for the price of one”  
  
Christine replies with a bitmoji of herself bowing on a stage. Jeremy smiles. Christine, on brand as always, and knowing how to make him smile after a long day.  
  
    The rest of the squad is really enthusiastic about Peter visiting and making him feel welcome. Chloe dubs it “operation cheer Peter up and help him embrace his queerness,” and Brooke suggests they all take a trip to the mall. Everyone agrees that the mall is the best place for a first meeting, since it’s a low pressure hang out spot. Jake and Rich and Jenna continue to brainstorm other things that they could all do together while Peter’s visiting, and Jeremy smiles to himself. He’s starting to feel pretty okay about Peter coming to visit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter makes it to New Jersey, and he starts to settle in.

    Peter arrives late in the evening. Jeremy’s dad has already gone to bed, so it falls to Jeremy to welcome Peter to the house. Jeremy lets him in, they say hello, and Peter and Jeremy stand in the entryway, just looking at each other for a second. It’s awkward. They haven’t seen each other for at least a year, and a lot has changed for both of them. Peter breaks the silence.   
  
“I like the new glasses,” he says, giving a small smile. Jeremy smiles back.   
  
“Thanks,” he says. Peter looks absolutely exhausted, with big bags under his eyes, and his eyes look, for lack of a better word, haunted.   
  
I can see the family resemblance, the Squip says in the back of his mind. Amazing how the Squip is able to turn his cousin’s grief into a jab at him. Jeremy ignores it.   
  
“How was the drive?” he asks. Peter shrugs.   
  
“Fine,” he says, “Long.” Jeremy nods. They are quiet for a few seconds, and Jeremy realizes too late (again) that he’s fidgeting.   
  
    “Uh, here,” Jeremy says, picking up one of Peter’s bags, “I’ll show you the guest room.” He goes up the stairs, and Peter follows. Jeremy sets the bag down on the bed.   
  
“The bathroom’s across the hall, and uh, yeah. Feel free to make yourself at home.”   
  
“Thanks,” Peter says, setting down the bag he’s holding.  
  
 _You need to talk about why he’s here, or else things are just going to stay awkward_ , the Squip prompts. Jeremy hates to admit that it’s right, even to himself, but it has a point. He just doesn’t know how to bring it up. Like, hey Peter, I hear you’re gay, no way, me too! Yeah, that won’t work. But Peter beats him to it.   
  
“I guess I should address the elephant in the room,” he says, sitting down on the bed. Jeremy nods slowly, to encourage him to keep going. “I don’t know how much you know about what happened.”   
  
“I know the basics,” Jeremy says, “Uh, I know you’re gay, and I know you lost someone.” Peter looks down at his hands , and he looks so alone that Jeremy can’t stop himself from saying, “You know I’m queer too, right?”   
  
Peter looks up at him. “What?”  
  
    “I made a post on facebook about it a few months ago, I didn’t know if you saw it… I’m bisexual.” Peter gives him a confused look.   
  
“No, I didn’t know that, uh. Okay.”   
  
“I just- I just want you to know that I’m not gonna judge you or anything, cause I’m queer, and I- I- I don’t really know what dealing with grief is like, but I’m here for you, and I know a thing or two about dealing with trauma, so I can try to help, but if you just want me to just leave you alone, I totally understand and I can do that too—“  
  
 _You’re rambling_ , the Squip says, and Jeremy immediately stops talking. A bad habit he hasn’t been able to stop. If the Squip interrupts him to tell him to do something, his immediate reaction is to just do it, even months later. He shakes his head, trying to get the Squip out of it, because the Squip isn’t important, Peter is what’s important.   
  
“Sorry, I’m rambling. I just… I want you to be comfortable here.”   
  
    Peter smiles at Jeremy, and Jeremy can see the tension leave his shoulders, if only a bit.   
  
“You have no idea how much that means to me,” Peter says quietly, “It’s been a rough few weeks… No, months, really. I think I’ll want to talk about everything at some point, but not right now. I wanna pretend this visit is just a normal visit, for now.” Jeremy nods.   
  
“Totally, dude,” Jeremy replies, “Since it’s kinda late, I’ll let you unpack and decompress after the drive.” Jeremy turns to leave, but then he remembers something, and turns back to Peter. “Oh yeah, my friend Michael and I were gonna go to the mall tomorrow and maybe meet up with a couple of other friends, do you wanna come with?”   
  
“Sure,” Peter replies, “Is Michael the one I’ve met?” Jeremy nods. Peter grins. “I haven’t been to a mall in ages.”   
  
“Really?” Jeremy asks. The mall has been such an integral part of his high school experience that he can’t imagine it without it.   
  
“Yeah, boarding school, remember?”   
  
“Oh, right.”   
  
    “See you in the morning, Jeremy,” Peter says. Jeremy says goodnight and leaves him alone. As soon as he’s alone, Peter lays down on the bed and begins to cry. Crying has been a regular occurrence for him since the play, (and even before), but this is different. This feels more like relief, catharsis, rather than grief or despair. His mom is desperately trying to support and love him, but getting over something you’ve believed your whole life takes time. He understands, but it still hurts. But to be here, to have family members ready to support him… It fills him relief. And his heart aches, because he wishes Jason was here to see this.   
  
    He cries for a good few minutes, until he’s feeling better. He considers calling his mom, but he’s not up for talking to her. Instead, he sends her a text, saying that he made it safely to New Jersey and is settling in. There, now she doesn’t have to worry about him. Then he calls Nadia, because checking on each other has just become a thing that they do now. After a few rings, she picks up.   
  
“Hey,” she says.   
  
“Hey,” he replies, “Guess where I am?”   
  
“Hell?” Nadia suggests. Peter snorts. Same old Nadia.   
  
“Close. New Jersey.”  
  
“Oh right,” she says, “You’re visiting your cousin, yeah?”   
  
“Mhmm,” he switches the phone to the other ear.   
  
    “How is it?” she asks.   
  
“Honestly, a lot better than I thought it would be.”   
  
“That’s good,” she says, her voice softening, “How’s your cousin? What’s his name again? Jerry?”  
  
“Jeremy,” Peter corrects, “He’s good. It was a little awkward at first, but he didn’t demand to know everything that happened, and he was really supportive.”  
  
“I told you it’d be fine,” she says, “Your family is nice.”  
  
“I guess,” he says, “Jeremy is super different. He’s like, way more confident than he ever was, but he is also more anxious than I’ve ever seen him. And he’s always been anxious.”  
  
    “Must be a family trait,” Nadia teases. Peter smiles and shakes his head.   
  
“No, you don’t understand. Jeremy makes me look like…” He pauses, trying to think of something, “I don’t know. A very calm person. A monk.” Nadia chuckles. Peter thinks about what Jeremy said, about dealing with trauma. “Do you think something happened to him?”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“I don’t know. He mentioned something traumatic. And…” The fact that Jeremy came out to him finally clicks in his brain. It had been so sudden and weird that Peter’s brain didn’t really make the connection. “…Shit. I think he also told me that he’s gay?”  
  
“What you mean, you think? Isn’t that usually pretty obvious?”  
  
“…I had a lot on my mind. He said he’s queer. Uh, bisexual. Oh god, he probably thinks I’m an asshole. I literally just said ‘okay’ and nothing else.” He can hear Nadia laughing on the other end of the line.   
  
    “Peter sweetheart, he knows you’ve had a lot going on. He’s not gonna be judging you too harshly. He probably just told you so that you know that he can relate to you.”   
  
“I guess,” Peter sighs.   
  
“If you really think it’s gonna be an issue, you can talk to him about it tomorrow. But relax, Peter. Try to enjoy your visit. Embrace having a family member who accepts and likes you.”  
  
“Thanks Mom,” Peter replies, rolling his eyes, “How are you doing?”  
  
    “Same old same old,” she says, “I need to get out of this fucking house, but that’s nothing new.”   
  
“Are you parents still leaving you alone?”  
  
“Yeah, thank God. It’s like they’ve forgotten that I exist, which is fine by me.”   
  
“Just hang in there until I get back. We can figure it out together then, if you want.”   
  
“That would be nice,” Nadia replies. They’re quiet for a few seconds.  
  
    “Have you talked to Ivy?” Peter asks.  
  
“A little,” Nadia answers, “She told me her parents wanted her to get an abortion.” Peter’s breath catches in his throat.   
  
“Is she…?” he asks.  
  
“No, she’s not getting one,” Nadia dismisses.   
  
“Oh.” Peter doesn’t know how that makes him feel. Relieved, he thinks. It’s complicated, knowing that Ivy’s pregnant with Jason’s baby (although, it’s not even a baby yet… Just some cells), but he doesn’t want it to just stop existing. Evidently Ivy feels the same.   
  
“Talk about hypocritical, right? No one should be allowed to get abortions, unless it’s their teenage daughter.” Peter doesn’t respond. His chest is getting tight again. Nadia notices his silence. “You should talk to her,” she suggests gently. Peter lets out a sigh.  
  
    “I don’t think I can,” he says, “Not yet.”   
  
“I know,” Nadia replies, “I’m just putting it out there. For when you’re ready.” Peter wants to talk to Ivy, he really does, but he still can’t shake the feeling that Ivy hates him, despite Nadia’s constant assertions that she doesn’t. Nadia sighs. “I’ll let you go, Peter.  Try to enjoy yourself, okay?”   
  
“Yeah, I’ll try,” Peter replies.   
  
“Call me tomorrow?” Nadia asks.   
  
“Of course. Hang in there, Nadia.”  
  
“You too, Peter.” She ends the call.   
  
    Peter throws an arm over his eyes and starts to cry again. Sometimes, he doesn’t even know why he cries. Or rather, there’s nothing specific that causes him to start crying, other than the general state of his life. He prefers nights when he cries to nights when the tears won’t come. He’ll be able to sleep, at least. And he needs to sleep, because he’ll be socializing tomorrow— socializing for the first time since Jason died, really for the first time since he and Jason broke up. And it’s going to be with strangers, which honestly makes him slightly less nervous. If he embarrasses himself or has a breakdown, he never has to see them again. Except for Jeremy, but Jeremy will get over it. As he falls asleep, he tries to focus on the feeling of relief from earlier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing for Nadia is so fun. I love her so much 
> 
> And so they meet, and Peter's here! Next chapter they go to the mall! 
> 
> Comments, as always, are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 1 of the mall adventure- mostly fluff and talking about musicals!

    After Jeremy says good night to Peter, he goes into his room and opens up GroupMe. The original plan had been for the entire squad to meet up at the mall, but after having seen Peter, he thinks that would maybe be a bit too much for him. Too many people, too loud, too queer, too much at once. So Jeremy sends a message.  
  
Jeremy: Maybe we should downgrade the mall trip tomorrow  
Brooke: oh no :(  
Brooke: what happened  
Jeremy: Nothing.  
Jeremy: He’s just not ready to meet everybody  
Jeremy: Yet!!  
Jenna: yeah that’s fair  
Jenna: the pure chaotic bisexual energy of rich would be enough to overwhelm anybody  
Rich: hell yeah it would  
Rich: but I don’t want to scare your cousin away  
Christine: So what’s the new plan?  
Jeremy: I think just me, Christine, and Michael  
Chloe: laaaaaaaame  
Chloe: but ok  
Michael: so I’m still driving you and then we’ll just meet Christine at the mall?  
Jeremy: ye  
  
    With that done, Jeremy starts to get ready for bed.  
  
_You handled all that surprisingly well_ , the Squip comments. Jeremy rolls his eyes as he’s brushing his teeth. He doesn’t need the Squip’s validation. _It’s unfortunate that he is having to go through this. Teenagers truly can be cruel._  
  
_No shit_ , Jeremy thinks.  
  
_Religion is a strange institution to advocate the hatred of others for something as simple as sexual orientation._ Jeremy cannot believe his Squip is trying to have a philosophical debate with him about religion and sexuality.  
  
_Are you just now coming to the conclusion that homophobia is bad?_ Jeremy questions.  
  
_Jeremy, you’re being deliberately obtuse_ , the Squip does not sound amused, _The world would obviously be better without it, but homophobia is an unfortunate facet of society that people have to deal with._  
  
    Jeremy spits his toothpaste out into the sink. _Wow, you are so wise_. He rolls his eyes again.    
  
The Squip makes an exasperated sound. _I am simply trying to express that I support your efforts to help your cousin._  
  
_Oh, okay_ , Jeremy thinks, putting his toothbrush away. Not that the Squip's approval has any impact on his actions.  
  
_And wash your face_ , the Squip instructs.  
  
_Nope_. Jeremy flips the light off and goes back to his bedroom. That whole conversation was too weird. He needed to remind the Squip that this was not a two way relationship. Sometimes the Squip would decide constantly tearing Jeremy down wouldn’t get him to listen to it, and instead it would try to be sympathetic. He hates when it does that.  
  
    Jeremy takes his jeans off and gets into bed. He’ll wash his face in the morning. The Squip leaves him alone, and for that, Jeremy is grateful. He turns the light off and texts Rich, because Rich is the only one who won’t worry if he mentions something the Squip said to him.  
  
Jeremy: Lmaoooooo my squip just said I was being “deliberately obtuse”  
  
Rich sends back a screenshot from the “road work ahead” vine — ‘yeah, I hope it does’.  
  
Jeremy: sakfhjalsdfjh  
Jeremy: I think that’s my favorite thing it’s ever said to me  
Rich: sometimes… squips are right actually  
  
Jeremy laughs, and a few seconds later another message comes in.  
  
Rich: so your cousin’s really not doing good?  
Jeremy: Yeah  
Jeremy: Idk maybe I’m overreacting but I looked at him and I saw myself like right after the squip  
Jeremy: We’re just gonna take things slow until I get a better feel for how he’s doing  
Rich: so what I’m hearing is that I shouldn’t flirt with him when I meet him?  
Jeremy: DO NOT  
Rich: roger  
Rich: it’s a good icebreaker sometimes you know but i don’t want to make him uncomfortable  
  
Jeremy smiles at his phone, slightly exasperated. Sometimes he still doesn’t know what to make of Rich.  
  
Jeremy: Besides, aren’t you still trying to get with Jake?  
Rich: ahahaha yeah  
Rich: rip me  
  
Jeremy doesn’t know what else to say, so he lets the conversation end there, and he puts his phone down and falls asleep.  
  
    The next day, Jeremy gets up, showers, and heads downstairs. Peter is already awake and dressed, sitting on the couch watching TV.  
  
“Morning,” Jeremy greets.  
  
“Hey,” Peter replies, “What time are we leaving?” Jeremy checks his phone for the time.  
  
“Michael will be here in like half an hour to pick us up,” he puts the phone in his back pocket.  
  
“Oh, do you not have a car?” Peter asks.  
  
“Nope,” Jeremy says, absently fidgeting with the zipper of his jacket, “I can’t drive.” That takes Peter by surprise. Jeremy, noticing the question on his face, continues, “Combination of anxiety and coordination issues. My brain hates me, basically.”  
  
    “Oh, that must be annoying,” Peter says. He’s remembering stuff from when they were kids. Jeremy being unable to ride a bike, Jeremy having a hard time throwing a ball where he wanted it to go, and other little things like that. Jeremy has some neurological condition- dys… Something. His mom told him about it years ago. He’ll look it up later.  
  
“Eh,” Jeremy shrugs, “It’s not the worst thing I have to deal with.” He runs his hand through his hair. “Hey, did I tell you that I started doing theatre?” Peter, again, is surprised. Jeremy was quite honestly the last person he ever thought would try theatre — other than Jason. His stomach twists painfully, and he pushes the thought away.  
  
    “You never struck me as a theatre person,” Peter says, hoping that he doesn’t sound mean or snobby.  
  
“Y-yeah, me neither,” Jeremy says, laughing nervously, “I kind of got into it because of a girl- well, not just any girl, my girlfriend, but we weren’t dating yet- anyway, I auditioned for the play because of her, but then I realized I actually really like it. So two plays and a lot of improv practices later, here I am.” Jeremy dropped quite a few bombs on Peter in a few sentences.  
  
“Okay first of all, you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend, what’s her name, what’s she like?”  
  
Jeremy smiles and blushes lightly. He looks positively lovestruck, and Peter forces down the complicated emotions that rise in his chest, because that’s how he used to get thinking about Jason—  
  
“Her name’s Christine. She’s so smart and passionate and she adores theatre— you’ll probably get along great. She’s gonna be at the mall with us.”  
  
    “Oh, cool. That’s great!” And Peter means it, but he wants to talk about something else. “What plays have you done?”  
  
“Well! We just did Thoroughly Modern Millie, which is so thoroughly problematic - ha ha - but it was still fun.”  
  
“Yeah, I know the show. It’s got some fantastic numbers in it though. Forget About the Boy is a bop.”  
  
Jeremy laughs, “Yes! God, I wish I could’ve been in that number!”  
  
“Who’d you play?” Peter asks, honestly expecting him to say ensemble.  
  
    “Oh, I uh, I was Jimmy,” Jeremy replies, scratching the back of his neck self-consciously.  
  
“What!” Peter exclaims, “That’s amazing! Jeremy, that’s like the male lead! The romantic male lead! That’s awesome, I’m proud of you! I had no idea you can sing!” Jeremy, already flushing, still doesn’t know how to respond to compliments. It’s something he’s been working on with his therapist, but his first instinct is still to shrug it off, or worse, to follow it up with something self-deprecating.  
  
“I can’t sing, really, I mean, I’m not awful, but uh, you know how it is, there’s never enough boys, and I guess I was the least bad.”  
  
“I bet you were great,” Peter says warmly, and Jeremy forces himself to accept the compliment.  
  
“Thanks,” he replies.  
  
    “‘What Do I Need With Love’ is such a great song,” Peter says. Jeremy nods in agreement; it was very fun to sing. “And oh gosh, Gavin Creel was fantastic in the original cast. He was one of my first gay crushes, to be honest—“ Peter freezes, almost guiltily, and Jeremy realizes that what he’s says next is going to color how comfortable Peter feels around him from now on. He figures the best way to respond is to be nonchalant, don’t make a big deal out of it.  
  
“Oh yeah,” Jeremy replies, “he is absurdly attractive. And talented, it’s really not fair.” Jeremy’s not super familiar with Gavin Creel, but Christine did make him watch that video of him singing ‘Take Me Or Leave Me’ from Rent, and that was one of the deciding factors that lead to Jeremy finally admitting to himself that he was bisexual, so. He would say he’s a fan. Peter’s face brightens.  
  
    “Oh! Have you seen him in She Loves Me?”  
  
“No,” Jeremy replies, “Christine’s mentioned it a lot, but I haven’t watched it yet.”  
  
“Okay, well we’re watching it at some point while I’m here. It’s so good! The entire cast kills it. It’s such a sweet love story too, it makes me feel like everything is gonna be okay. And it’s genuinely still very funny, which is wild considering it was written in like, the sixties. We’re just so lucky that we got a pro-shot. More broadway shows should do that, really.”  
  
    Jeremy is content to listen to Peter info-dump. It’s soothing, and it gives him something to focus on, but the doorbell rings, startling Jeremy.  
  
“Tha- that’ll be Michael,” he says, standing up, “You ready to go?” Peter nods, and they leave the house, meeting Michael outside the front door. Michael gives Jeremy a quick hug, as has become a regular occurrence post-Squip. Then, Michael waves at Peter.  
  
“Hi Peter,” he says, “It’s good to see you again.”  
  
“Yeah,” Peter offers, “You too.” It’s awkward, and Peter’s starting to think that maybe socializing was a bad idea after all. He doesn’t remember that much about Michael, other than he really loves video games, and Peter certainly doesn’t remember him being so cute, which is not helping the awkwardness.  
  
    “Oh right, you two have met! Cool, don’t have to introduce you,” Jeremy says as the three of them walk over to Michael’s car and get in. “Peter told me he hasn’t been to the mall in a long time,” Jeremy says, trying to prompt conversation as Michael starts driving. He knows that once they all get talking, the awkwardness will subside.  
  
“Really?” Michael asks, glancing in the rear view mirror at Peter in the back seat.  
  
“Yeah,” Peter replies, “Boarding school and all that. We weren’t allowed to leave, but it’s not like any of us had cars anyway, so we were kinda stuck.”  
  
“That sounds like torture,” Michael says, “I mean, what did you even do for fun?”  
  
    “Believe me when I say that catholic kids make do,” Peter says, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice, “We would sneak out all the time. There used to be an old arcade within walking distance of the school, and a fro-yo place…” He thinks about Matt stealing the church’s van so that they could all go to the rave. That’s a memory that’s still too tender to share. “People would throw parties in their tiny dorm rooms, and the drug use at that school was insane. Not just weed, everything. I definitely took a step back from all that junior and senior year.” Not far enough back, he thinks. “Theatre kept me busy, and Jason—“ He stops himself. It’s too early in the day, too early in the visit for him to talk about the Dead Boyfriend. The look Jeremy and Michael exchange does not go unnoticed. “Uh, yeah,” he finishes lamely.  
  
“Theatre huh?” Michael says, “Christine’s gonna love you.”  
  
    “Oh yeah!” Peter exclaims, “Jeremy told me that you did Thoroughly Modern Millie, and I wanted to get some confirmation that he was not terrible.” Michael glances at Jeremy.  
  
“Jer, you gotta stop telling people that you’re not talented,” Michael admonishes, “Because you are. I saw you in the show.”  
  
“Your opinion doesn’t count,” Jeremy replies, “You’re my best friend. You’d think I was great no matter what.”  
  
Michael huffs. “Well, you were great. You were the best person in that show, other than Christine.”  
  
“Was Christine Millie?” Peter asks. Jeremy and Michael share another look.  
  
    “No,” Jeremy sighs, “She was Dorothy, cause that’s a more ‘vocally demanding’ role.”  
  
“Who was Millie then?”  
  
“Jeremy’s ex,” Michael supplies.  
  
“Oof,” Peter says, “That’s awkward.”  
  
“No, it wasn’t that bad,” Jeremy protests, “Brooke and I are friends and it was fine. We laughed about it. And honestly, the fact that I’d kissed her before made kissing her on stage way easier.” Jeremy pauses. “Oh god that was an asshole thing to say, wasn’t it?”  
  
    Michael nods, “Little bit.”  
  
“What I mean is, Brooke and I are really open with each other so it was fine! And I think if Christine had been Millie we wouldn’t have been able to be serious.”  
  
“True, you are both certified goofballs,” Michael says, and Peter laughs.  
  
“So you don’t do theatre, Michael?” He asks.  
  
“I didn’t, but then Jeremy and Christine and Brooke bullied me into doing tech,” Michael replies.  
  
“Wha- We did not bully you!” Jeremy protests, his voice going up an octave, “We just needed people after the disaster that was the fall play!”  
  
“What happened?” Peter asks, and both Michael and Jeremy grimace.  
  
    “Someone spiked a prop beaker with drugs, and the entire cast passed out and had to go to the hospital,” Michael explains.  
  
“The few techies we had quit after that,” Jeremy adds.  
  
“Yikes,” Peter says, “That sounds awful. What play was it?”  
  
“A Midsummer Night’s Dream,” Jeremy replies. Michael holds up a finger.  
  
“No no no, it was A Midsummer Nightmare with Zombies,” Michael corrects. Peter raises an eyebrow, and Michael explains, “Our drama teacher rewrote it to make it ‘hip.’ Because adding zombies will definitely get a bunch of high schoolers interested in Shakespeare.”  
  
“It was dumb,” Jeremy agrees.  
  
    “We did Midsummer my sophomore year,” Peter says, “I was Theseus. Who’d you play?”  
  
“Puck,” Jeremy replies.  
  
“Oh nice! But really, there must be something about that play that just makes everyone lose their minds. Like, our Hermia and Demetrius were dating in real life and Hermia was awful at pretending to hate him, then Lysander and Hippolyta started dating, and multiple girls asked out Oberon, who was so shy that he couldn’t turn them down. It was wild. And very awkward. No one did drugs during the show, though— at least, not as far as I know.”  
  
“Straight people are crazy, man,” Michael sighs, and Peter’s has to wonder- is Michael gay?  
  
“True,” Jeremy adds.  
  
    Peter doesn’t have time to think about it much more, because they arrive at the mall. Michael parks, and they head inside.  
  
“Christine’s meeting us at the food court,” Jeremy says, “I thought we could get lunch first and then do other stuff.” Michael starts telling Jeremy about some retro game that the game store in the mall got in stock. Peter mostly zones out, just taking in the mall around him. There’s nothing special about it; it’s basically like any other mall he’s ever been to, but there’s something comforting in the banality of it.  
  
    At the food court, Michael and Jeremy both get chili fries, and Peter gets some pizza. As they walk to a table with their food, a short girl with dark hair spots them and waves at them.  
  
“Oh, there’s Christine,” Michael says. They sit at a nearby table, and she hurries to join them.  
  
“Hey guys!” She says brightly, and Peter instantly gets why Jeremy likes her. Her enthusiasm is infectious, and her presence seems to raise everyone’s energy. She kisses Jeremy on the cheek, gives Michael a hug, and smiles at Peter.  
  
“Christine, this is my cousin Peter. Peter, this is my girlfriend Christine,” Jeremy introduces them, cheeks still red from Christine kissing him.  
  
“Nice to meet you, Christine,” Peter says, “I’ve already heard a lot about you.”  
  
    “Same here!” Christine replies as she sits down next to Jeremy.  
  
“Do you need to get food?” Jeremy asks.  
  
“No, I already ate,” she says, “So, Peter!” She leans in an whispers conspiratorially, “I hear you’re a theatre kid?”  
  
“Indeed,” Peter replies, nodding. Christine squeals.  
  
“Yes! Okay, what’s your favorite musical?” She asks.  
  
“Oh gosh,” Peter replies, “You can’t just spring a question like that on a guy!” Christine laughs.  
  
“I know, it’s a tough one! Here, let’s extend the question to everyone. Michael?”  
  
    Michael shrugs and takes a sip from his soda. “Well, my education on musical theatre is no where near complete, but I do really like Shrek,” he says.  
  
“Noooooooo!” Jeremy protests, and Peter laughs.  
  
“Hey, don’t diss Shrek!” Peter says, “It’s actually surprisingly good.” He takes a bite of his pizza, and realizes he’s actually hungry. Michael and Jeremy are eating their chili fries as they argue about Shrek.  
  
“Aha!” Michael exclaims triumphantly, “Thank you, Peter! See Jeremy, you’re just being a snob!”  
  
“No,” Jeremy counters, mouth full of fries, “I just don’t think Shrek works on a stage!”  
  
“Alright, whatever,” Michael replies, “You’re entitled to your wrong opinion. But we’re talking about shows I like, so.” Jeremy sighs and motions for Michael to keep talking. Michael nods. “Thank you. I’ve also got a soft spot for Hamilton since it was the first musical I listened to — thank you Christine — and uh, Spongebob is another one of those surprisingly good shows.”  
  
    “Yeah,” Peter agrees, “Spongebob really had no business being as good as it was.”  
  
“Tina Landau is a visionary,” Christine says, “Let me know when you’ve listened to all of my recommendations, Michael, cause I can give you more!”  
  
“You know I’m always down for more music recs,” Michael replies. Christine gives him a thumbs up, and then turns to Jeremy.  
  
“Jeremy, your favorite?” she asks. Jeremy shrugs.  
  
“I’m gonna be super basic and say Wicked.” Christine nods appreciatively.  
  
“Listen,” Peter says, “If you’re gonna go basic, Wicked is a good one. There’s a reason it’s so popular.”  
  
    “I’m just a sucker for Stephen Schwartz,” Jeremy explains, “I think there was some conspiracy, cause Godspell is like my dad’s favorite movie and I was exposed to it at a young age. And then there’s Pippin… It’s all so good.” Christine hums in agreement as she steals a fry from him.  
  
“Schwartz is a really underrated composer,” Peter agrees.  
  
“You know he was like, 23 when he wrote Godspell?” Christine says, because of course she knows just random facts about Stephen Schwartz, “Even Sondheim was over 25 when he worked on West Side Story.”  
  
“Wow,” Jeremy says, looking impressed, although whether he’s impressed at Stephen Schwartz or Christine’s knowledge isn’t clear to Peter.  
  
“So, Peter,” Christine says, “Now that you’ve had a chance to think?”  
  
“Mm, well now that you’ve mentioned Sondheim, by brain can’t think about anything but Company, so I’m gonna go with that,” Peter replies.  
  
“Good choice,” Christine says.  
  
    “What’s that one about?” Michael asks, and Peter perks up.  
  
“Okay so it’s about a guy named Bobby who’s turning 35 and he’s the only one of his friends who’s not married, and the whole show is a bunch of vignettes of him with his friends and it’s a fascinating look at marriage and relationships and why Bobby’s still single—“ He stops. For the first time, Peter considers that Bobby might be gay, and that’s why he isn’t married. He doesn’t know why he’s realized this now, and he frowns. Why hadn’t he thought about this before? Is this something really obvious that he’s an idiot for never considering? Shit.  
  
    Michael notices that Peter’s starting to withdraw into his own brain, so he taps him gently on the arm and asks, “What’s your favorite song from it?” It’s exactly what Peter needs to bring him out of his thoughts.  
  
“Oh, well. I mean, objectively Being Alive is the best song in the show, but you really only get the full impact of it by going through the journey of the show with Bobby,” Christ, that was the most snobby theatre person thing he’s ever said, “But I mean, The Little Things You Do Together is hilarious, and Sorry-Grateful makes me cry, and Not Getting Married Today is one of the most brilliant pieces of American musical theatre ever written—“ He stops himself again, because he’s talking too much and nobody wants to hear him rant about theatre, c’mon Peter…  
  
    But this time, Christine saves him from his spiraling thoughts.  
  
“We should all watch it together!” She says, “Y’know, have a movie night. There’s a pro shot version of the revival with Raul Esparza on youtube and it’s really good!”  
  
“I’d be down for that,” Michael says, giving Peter a smile.  
  
“Me too,” Jeremy says.  
  
“It’s really good,” Peter says weakly, then he turns to Christine.  
  
    “What about you?” Peter asks, then takes other people talking as an opportunity to eat the rest of his pizza.  
  
“You have to ask her favorite right now is,” Jeremy says, giving Christine a loving look.  
  
“Yeah,” Michael adds, “It changes like, every week.” Christine shrugs, completely unashamed of her passions.  
  
“I’ve been really into Fun Home announces,” she announces, “It is so beautiful and moving, and I think it’s something that every queer person should experience.”  
  
“That’s the Alison Bechdel musical, right?” Michael asks. Christine nods.  
  
“Who’s Alison Bechdel?” Peter asks around a bite of pizza. Michael and Christine both stare at him in appalled horror.  
  
“As in the Bechdel test,” Jeremy supplies. Peter recognizes the name, and he nods.  
  
    “She’s a lesbian cartoonist, and she wrote a memoir about her life, and it got turned into a musical,” Christine explains.  
  
“My moms love her,” Michael agrees, and Peter has to stop himself from doing a comically large double take.    
  
“You have two moms?” Peter asks.  
  
“Yep,” Michael says, “Adopted me as a baby.” Peter has never met anyone with gay parents before, and he knew they existed, but it always felt so far away from his world.  
  
“That’s really cool,” Peter says in awe as he stuffs the last piece of his pizza in his mouth.  
  
    Michael shrugs, like it’s no big deal, which of course to him it isn’t. “They’re just my moms.”  
  
“Nah,” Christine says, “I’ve met them, can confirm they are the coolest, and also like, life goals.”  
  
“Agree,” Jeremy says, finishing off the last of his fries, “They basically became my moms too after my mom left.” Michael clears his throat.  
  
“So what’s our game plan?” he asks.  
  
“Retro Games is my priority,” Jeremy says, wiping his chili covered hands on a napkin. Michael nods.  
  
“I’d like to go to Bath and Body Works,” Christine says, “They’re having a sale.”  
  
“Ooh,” Michael says, “Count me in.”  
  
“Gay,” Jeremy says, teasing but loving.  
  
“Correct,” Michael replies, “But also, I like to smell nice.”  
  
    “Peter, what about you?” Christine asks.  
  
“I don’t know,” Peter replies, absently scratching his head, “Is there a bookstore here?”  
  
“Yeah, there’s a little one,” Jeremy says.  
  
“Cool, bookstore gets my vote,” Peter announces.  
  
“Excellent,” Michael nods, “So Retro Games first, then Bath and Body Works, then Spencer’s, then the bookstore.”  
  
    Jeremy groans, “Do we have to go to Spencer’s?” Michael nods, an expression Peter can’t quite place on his face. Jeremy continues, “It’s- y’know, by the Payless, an- and- and, bad memories, y’know?”  
  
“I know, Jere,” Michael says gently, “But my guy got some more Mountain Dew Red, and I need to go pick it up.” Michael leans closer to Jeremy. “Just to be safe.”  
  
Jeremy sighs, “Okay.” Peter glances between the two of them, utterly confused, and slightly concerned. Christine sees the confusion on Peter’s face.  
  
“Michael collects vintage sodas,” she explains, but her smile seems a bit forced to Peter.  
  
“Oh, cool,” he says, but he has a feeling they’re still hiding something. How does someone have bad memories associated with a Payless?? Well, he hasn’t told them everything about his life either, so he tries not to worry about it too much, unless there’s some big red flag.  
  
    Michael claps his hands together and stands up dramatically.  
  
“So!” He says, “Are we ready to go?” Christine leaps to her feet enthusiastically.  
  
“Yes!” She exclaims, “Let’s do it!” Jeremy gazes at her in pure adoration. She nudges him, and he starts, like he’s realized she’s expecting him to say something too. He jumps to his feet as well, and he points at Peter like an anime character.  
  
“Peter!” He says in a exaggerated, deep voice, “Are you prepared to go on this quest with us?”  
  
Peter snorts. “You guys are cute.” He stands up and picks up his tray. “Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got super long and I decided to split it in two. This chapter has all the mall fluff, and the next chapter will have the mall angst! I feel like I need to explain some of my headcanons so here we go:
> 
> This chapter basically could also be titled, Abby projects all her high school experiences on the characters! (My high school? Did Midsummer then Thoroughly Modern Millie. And our midsummer production was full of drama just like Peter's -- I was the Hippolyta that started dating Lysander, only technically that happened after the show ended. Anyway!)
> 
> It was also very fun to write everybody talking about musicals, bc I got to project my own likes an dislikes onto the characters. Also I've just decided that everyone has ADHD bc well, I do too and writing people info dumping and having hyperfixtations makes me happy, and dyspraxic Jeremy is one of my favorite headcanons, so I threw that in there too. 
> 
> And finally, I think Peter always feels like he has to restrain himself from talking about things he loves, even though he is totally around the best people to do so right now, cause Jeremy, Michael and Christine are all huge nerds that would never judge him, but old habits die hard. Also he doesn't know them that well yet. 
> 
> Anyway! This end note got really long. Next chapter should be up soon! As always, I would love feedback and feel free to find me on tumblr


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mall adventures part 2, this time with more angst!

    When they get to the video game store, Jeremy and Michael immediately make a bee line for the front counter, where there’s a glass case that holds the rarer games. The store has a combination of new games, retro games, and game related merchandise, but retro games seem to be the focus. Peter is completely out of his element. He watched Lucas play video games a good bit when they lived together, but they were all modern games, and it’s not like Peter actually learned anything about the games he was playing. He glances at Christine, who also seems slightly out of her depth.  
  
“What game are they getting, do you know?” he asks. She shrugs.  
  
“I think Jeremy said it’s called Time Lord,” she replies.  
  
“What, like Doctor Who?” Peter asks. Christine shrugs again.  
  
“I don’t know,” she says, “Probably not? I don’t think Jeremy’s ever seen Doctor Who.”  
  
“Yeah, he’s always been more of a Star Trek guy.” Peter shrugs, and looks over to Jeremy and Michael.  
  
    At the counter, they are debating whether they should actually get the game or not.  
  
“70 bucks is a lot,” Michael says, “Even if we are splitting it.”  
  
Jeremy shrugs, “We’ve paid more for other games.”  
  
“Yeah, but you don’t even know if you’ll like this one,” Michael counters, “Time Lord has a hard time limit, and we both know you don’t do great with time limits. I mean, look at Majora’s Mask…”  
  
“The time limit is not the only reason I haven’t beaten Majora’s Mask!” Jeremy protests.  
  
“Yeah, but…” Michael gives him a look. “I just want us to get a game that we can both enjoy, that’s all.”  
  
    “I think this is as good a choice as any,” Jeremy says, “Besides, even if I don’t like playing it, I can always watch you play, which will still be fun. It’s not like it’s a co op game.”  
  
Michael nods, “Alright, I just wanted to make sure you were cool with it.”  
  
“Are you kidding?” Jeremy says, “This game seems super cool, I wanna see it.” He ignores the Squip telling him that he’s wasting his time and money on this game, which Jeremy thinks it’s wasting its energy. The Squip really should get by now that it’s never gonna get him to give up video games again. Jeremy takes his money out of his pocket to pay for his half of the game.  
  
    “The last of my bar mitzvah money,” he announces, holding it out to Michael.  
  
“Aw, Jer, I’m touched,” Michael says, placing a hand on his arm, “that you’re gonna spend it on a video game with me and not a date with Christine. Jeremy opens his mouth to reply, then closes it, then glances at Christine guiltily, then shrugs.  
  
“W-well, I’ve already made the decision to spend it on video games, so…” He gestures for Michael to take it, which he does.   
  
  
“Cool,” Michael nods to the cashier, who comes over to them, “Hey Josh.” He’s usually working when they come in, and he’s given them some great game recommendations in the past. He’s a college kid, and Michael thinks he’s one of the coolest guys he knows. Josh works to help pay for school, and he’s said on many occasions that working a minimum wage job at an independent video game store sure as shit beats working a minimum wage job pretty much anywhere else.   
  
    “Hey Michael, Jeremy,” Josh says, “What can I do for ya today?”  
  
“We’re gonna get Time Lord,” Jeremy replies.  
  
“Cool,” Josh opens the case and gets the game out for them, “I’ve never played it myself, heard it’s pretty rough.”  
  
“Yeah, but you know we love playing bad, hard old games,” Michael says.  
  
“Because we love suffering!” Jeremy chimes in, giving some finger guns. He and Michael high five. Josh laughs, walking them and the game over to the cash register. He rings them up.  
  
“You still playing Apocalypse of the Damned?” Josh asks.  
  
“Oh, we finally finished it a few months ago,” Michael says. It was a big occasion when it happened. They’d finally finished level 9 after over six months of being stuck, and then the final level had gone pretty quick in comparison. It had honestly been somewhat anti-climactic, finally beating it after years of playing it, so they still go back to it often.  
  
“But it’s still a go to for us on game nights,” Jeremy adds.  
  
    “Hey, who are your friends?” Josh asks, nodding towards Peter and Christine.  
  
“Oh, my cousin and my girlfriend,” Jeremy replies, and he motions for them to come over.  
  
“Cool, cool,” Josh says, “You guys gamers too?”  
  
“Oh, not really,” Christine says, “I really love Animal Crossing and Harvest Moon, but that’s about it.”  
  
“I’ve been trying to get her to try Stardew Valley,” Jeremy says.  
  
“Ooh, you’ll love Stardew, but you’re gonna need like a solid week free to play it because you’re gonna get addicted— It’s gonna be 74.21.”  
  
“See, I just don’t have time for that!” Christine says. Jeremy hands his portion of the money over, and so does Michael.  
  
    “What about you?” Josh asks Peter as he puts the money in the register and counts out the change.  
  
“Oh, no I’m not a gamer,” Peter says, “My mom thought video games were of the devil.”  
  
“Really?” Jeremy asks, “That doesn’t sound like Aunt Claire.” Josh hands Michael the change.  
  
“Well, it was more that she thought violent video games would rot my brain and make me violent, but our priest did say that video games were the devil’s work on multiple occasions.” Peter shrugs. Josh chuckles.  
  
“I’ve played video games my whole life and have yet to be possessed by satan,” Josh says, “But your mom did save you from a pretty expensive hobby.” He puts the game in a bag and hands it to Michael, along with the receipt. “Let me know if the game’s any good, alright?”  
  
“Will do,” Michael says, giving a thumbs up. They leave the store and start walking in the direction of the Bath and Body Works.  
  
    “Man, I love Josh,” Michael says, “He’s so cool.”  
  
“You say that every time we see him,” Jeremy replies.  
  
“That’s cause it’s true! He’s living the dream!” Michael says, gesturing wildly for emphasis. Peter giggles.  
  
“Is that the dream?” Christine asks, “Really?”  
  
“Compared to high school, anything’s the dream,” Jeremy says, and Michael nods.  
  
“Exactly!”  
  
    “Hey, do you mind terribly if I go to Sephora?” Christine asks, “I just remembered that I need something.”  
  
“Chris, anything,” Michael says, “You just sat through Jere and me geeking out for half an hour.” She smiles at him and pats his shoulder.  
  
“Michael, you’re an angel,” she says.  
  
“That’s what Jeremy has told me many times,” Michael beams, slinging an arm around Jeremy.  
  
“You and Peter don’t have to come in,” Jeremy says as he pushes Michael off him, but he’s smiling.  
  
“Yeah, we’ll just wait outside the store,” Michael adds, and they start walking to the Sephora.  
  
    Christine and Jeremy walk in front of Peter and Michael, holding hands. Peter’s trying desperately not to look at them and think about how he never got to do that with Jason.  
  
“You good, man?” Michael asks. Peter’s distress must’ve been reflected on his face. He shrugs.  
  
“Just thinking about stuff,” Peter says.  
  
“Ah, there’s your problem,” Michael jokes, “You never wanna do that.” It’s a lame joke, but Peter smiles all the same. “Jeremy told me that you went through a lot of shit, and I just wanted to say that you don’t have to pretend you’re okay if you’re not.” Peter shrugs.  
  
“I go through cycles of being okay and not okay,” Peter says, “I’ll be fine, and then something will remind me of… And then I won’t be fine.”  
  
“Well, let me know if you’re ever not okay. Cause Jeremy is really trying, but he can be dense as a rock sometimes,” Michael says. Peter chuckles.  
  
“Yeah, he’s always been like that.”  
  
    “Also, just wanted to tell you that I’m gay too, so like. I get it. Or at least some of it,” Michael says, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. Peter is jealous that he’s able to say it that easily.  
  
“You know, I haven’t even been able to say the word out loud yet, not even when I came out to my mom.”  
  
“You should try. It’s very freeing once you actually say it.” Peter nods. He wants to do it, he needs to do it sooner or later. Peter takes a deep breath.  
  
“Okay. I’m— What’s the big deal anyway, it’s just a word! It shouldn’t be this hard to say, but it’s terrifying.”  
  
    “Listen,” Michael says, “Society is still super homophobic. Like, my moms are gay, so I always knew they’d support me no matter what, but I was bullied for being gay starting in the sixth grade, before I even realized I was gay. It took me two years to come out to my moms.”  
  
“Wow,” Peter says, because he doesn’t know what else to say.  
  
“Y’know, it’s hard. Even if you’ve got support, it’s hard.” Michael shrugs. They’re outside the Sephora now, and Christine and Jeremy head inside.  
  
“We won’t be long!” Christine assures, and Peter and Michael sit down on a bench outside.  
  
    Peter stares at the floor. “I’m gay,” he whispers, and he releases a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding.  
  
“What?” Michael asks, because he genuinely can’t hear him.  
  
“I’m gay,” Peter repeats, loud enough for him to hear. Michael holds out his hand for a high five, which Peter returns.  
  
“Hell yeah,” Michael says.  
  
Peter looks down at the ground, and all his anxieties come spilling out of him. “I’m— I know I’m new with the whole, being gay thing, but I’m not an idiot. I’ve done a lot of research, on the terms and the community and everything. But there’s so much. I don’t feel like I’ll ever belong, like I’m really gay enough.”  
  
“Everyone feels like that when they first come out. It’s overwhelming. But you can’t let yourself think that you don’t belong, because you absolutely do. It’s just a process,” Michael explains.  
  
    “And you don’t have to get involved in the community right away,” Michael continues, “You can work on yourself first. You don’t owe anybody anything. But there are also all kinds of LGBT groups for religious people, people who have gone through similar stuff.”  
  
Peter nods. “Yeah, I should look up something like that for when I get home.”  
  
“I think that would probably be a good place for you to start.” Peter nods again. It’s good, to actually talk about these sorts of things with another person, instead of sitting alone in his room, reading about gay stuff online, or worse, praying about it. The thing about prayer is that it can end up being an echo chamber inside your head, and there’s no reassurance that what you’re feeling is okay or that other people feel the same way.  
  
“Thanks Michael,” Peter says, a small smile tugging at his lips.  
  
    “Of course, dude,” Michael replies. He stretches, glances around at the people walking past. “So what kinds of stuff are you into? Other than theatre?”  
  
“Oh, that’s a good question,” Peter says. He scrunches up his face and thinks for a second. Why is it that anytime someone asks him about things he likes, every movie or tv show he’s ever watched just leaves his brain? “Well, I really like Star Trek. Jeremy and I watched the Next Generation a lot together as kids.” And he watched the Original Series with Jason, but he doesn’t know how to mention that without making himself sad.  
  
“Oh yeah, he’s told me about that. I’m more of a DS9 man myself, but all Treks are valid. Besides, Data is literally the best character ever created.”  
  
“Looking back on it now, I had a massive crush on Wesleyans a kid,” Peter says, somewhat timidly. He’s never said that out loud to anyone before.  
  
“And you know what, that is incredibly valid,” Michael says. Peter smiles. Talking to Michael makes him feel at ease, and he can see why he’s Jeremy’s best friend.  
  
    Peter spots Christine and Jeremy leaving the store, and Christine is carrying a small bag.  
  
“That was fast,” Michael says as they approach, “What’d you get?”  
  
“Just some new mascara,” Christine says, tucking her hair behind her ear, “Come on, let’s go!” She tugs on Jeremy’s arm, “Before all the good stuff is gone!”  
  
“Ooh yeah,” Michael says, “We gotta beat the horde of suburban moms.” Jeremy laughs and rolls his eyes.  
  
“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” he says.  
  
“You don’t understand,” Christine says, “Those sales are a feeding frenzy.” Peter stands up from the bench.  
  
“Then lead they way,” he says.  
  
    As they finally make their way to the Bath and Body Works, they pass the pretzel place, and the smells of pretzels baking wafts towards them. It’s overwhelming, and instantly Peter vividly remembers the last time he had been to a mall. Spring break, sophomore year, he and Jason had gone as a sort-of date. They’d bought their mom’s Mother’s Day presents, and they’d gotten pretzels afterwards. Jason got a regular pretzel, and Peter got one with cinnamon, and they had both stolen pieces from the other’s, laughing and teasing each other. It was the closest they’d ever come to being a normal couple, and it finally truly sinks in to Peter that now they’re never going to be. They’ll never get to go to the movies and hold hands and share popcorn, or do anything else together as a couple, because Jason is gone. It was supposed to be Peter and Jason together against the world, forever, but Jason left, and the prospect of having to go through the rest of his life alone has suddenly become all too real. It scares him.  
  
No, it terrifies him, and it makes everything seem so futile.  
  
    His chest tightens, and he feels tears starting to fall, which makes him start to panic. He doesn’t want to cry in public! The very thought of it is mortifying. He’s screaming in his mind at himself to stop, which only seems to make it harder to breath. Soon, a wave of dizziness hits him and the world starts closing in on him. He stumbles off to the side, trying to get out of the flow of traffic and away from people.  
  
    “Peter!” Christine exclaims as he rushes past her. Peter slumps against a wall and puts his hand in between his knees, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you feel like you’re gonna pass out, right? Except he can’t get enough air in and his heart is racing. Jeremy is at his side almost instantly, and Christine and Michael form a barrier between Peter and the rest of the world, glaring at anyone that gets too close or stares. Peter reaches out blindly and grasps Jeremy’s arm.  
  
“What’s happening,” Peter gasps, staring at the floor wide-eyed. Why can’t he breathe?  
  
“You’re having a panic attack,” Jeremy replies, “Have you never had one before?”  
  
Peter gives a quick jerk of his head to signify no.  
  
“Okay,” Jeremy says, “Just focus on my voice. You’re safe. We’re here with you.” Jeremy reaches out to rub Peter’s shoulder comfortingly. Peter leans into his touch.  
  
    Peter closes his eyes and tries to focus on the feeling of Jeremy’s hand on his shoulder. His chest still feels tight, but he’s not having to gasp for breath anymore. After a few minutes of listening to comforting words from Jeremy and focusing on his breathing, his heart starts to slow down, and he finally feels like he can get oxygen in again. Slowly, very slowly, he lifts his head and wipes the tears from his face.  
  
    “Feeling better?” Jeremy asks gently. Peter can’t make himself look at him, but he nods. “Wanna leave?” Peter nods again. “Okay,” Jeremy says, “Whenever you’re ready.” Peter takes another minute. He looks around the corner of the mall that they wound up in. They’re across from the Bath and Body Works, which is just great. Lots of suburban moms to judge him… Except people aren’t really stopping to stare anymore, and for that he’s grateful. He finally looks at Jeremy, who gives his shoulder a squeeze. He makes eye contact with Christine, who offers him a sad, sweet little smile, and Michael, who gives him a determined nod, as if to say “you’re good.”  
  
    The nod from Michael gives him what he needs to stand up, and he gets a little bit of a head rush from standing up so quickly, but he steadies himself, and he’s good to go.  
  
“I’ll walk with you to your car,” Christine says.  
  
“We’re on like, the complete other side of the mall,” Jeremy replies.  
  
“I’m parked there too,” Christine says. They start walking, and Peter can’t help but feel embarrassed that they had to see that — Christine and Michael especially. Jeremy, he can deal with seeing him freak out; they’re family, but he just met Christine and Michael. Great first impression, Peter, he thinks.  
  
    As they walk through the mall, Peter’s adrenaline starts to wear off, and he realizes just how much the panic attack took out of him.  
  
“Oh my god I’m tired,” Peter yawns. He feels like he could fall asleep on his feet.  
  
“Yeah, panic attacks suck. They leave you just completely drained,” Christine says, “I used to get them a lot in middle school.”  
  
“Me too,” Michael adds.  
  
“I still get them,” Jeremy admits, “Not as much as I did uh, a few months ago, but yeah. It’s not fun.”  
  
    Oh. It makes sense then, how the three of them sprung into action so quickly. They had experience with this sort of thing. He feels kind of silly for being so embarrassed. He thinks he should maybe be more concerned that he just had a panic attack, and he probably will be, once he gets a second alone to process it, but he’s spent so much time in his life worrying about what other people think that he tends to put himself second. They’re outside the mall now, in the parking lot, and the warm sun feels very nice after the full-blast air conditioning of the mall. Peter has fully zoned out. Christine and Jeremy are talking, and then they’re getting in the car. He gives a little wave to Christine, and then he’s back inside his head for the entire drive home. He keeps thinking about that mall trip with Jason, trying to remember what else they did that day.  
  
    When they get back to the house, Jeremy gets out of the car to check the mail and bring the recycling bin in. Michael turns to Peter.  
  
“Hey uh, let me give you my phone number,” he says, “Just in case something happens and Jeremy’s busy or it’s late at night and he’s asleep. I play Warcraft into the early hours of the morning usually anyway, so.”  
  
“Oh, thanks,” Peter opens up a blank contact on his phone and hands it to Michael. Michael types in his name and phone number and gives it back to Peter. Jeremy walks back up to the two of them, and they say goodbye to Michael and head inside.  
  
    “I’m gonna go lie down,” Peter says, and it’s only as he’s walking up the stairs that it hits him: a boy gave him his phone number. Sure, Michael probably isn’t interested in him, but it’s something positive for him to latch onto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I straight up did research of obscure NES titles for this, so there's that, lol. I picked Time Lord cause it's pretty rare and expensive but not absurdly so. 
> 
> Josh is my answer for where Michel got the whole "guys like us are cool in college" thing, kind of based on someone telling me when I was in high school that people in college bring their 3DSs to class and play pokemon. I imagine Josh telling Michael something similar, and that he's part of a DND club, and stuff like that. I think he's kind of like a big brother figure to Michael, and when Jeremy was ignoring him due to the Squip, Michael definitely came into the store and ranted to josh about it. 
> 
> Anyway, until next time! Leave a comment if you're enjoying, find me on tumblr if you want, etc etc <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Jeremy finally talk about Jason

    Jeremy can’t help but worry about Peter, but he thinks the best thing is to give Peter some time to himself. He heads up to his room and starts up his Nintendo 64. He’s been replaying Ocarina of Time lately, and he knows the game so well that he can essentially just shut his brain off and play, which is just what he needs right now.  
  
    Except the Squip won’t let him.  
  
_I don’t know why you thought taking him to the mall would be a good idea_ , it says. Jeremy ignores it and tries to focus on the most efficient route to beating the Water Temple instead. _There was an 85% chance that something like this would happen. He’s more fragile than you thought. Your instincts when it comes to other people have, unsurprisingly, not improved. There’s a 65% chance that today made the situation worse._  
  
    Jeremy rolls his eyes, and he continues to play the game. The constant pausing to put on and remove the metal boots combined with the Squip’s voice in his head is really starting to irritate him, but he won’t do anything to let the Squip know it’s getting to him. So he keeps playing as the Squip keeps chastising him, even though he’s distracted and he lets the enemies get hits in that he should’ve dodged, and he lowers the water level of the temple at one point when he shouldn’t have. He’s never going to beat his time now.  
  
“Shit,” he mutters.  
  
    There’s a knock at the door, and Jeremy pauses the game.  
  
“Come in,” he says, and Peter enters the room.  
  
“Hey,” Peter says, “I think I need to talk.” He sits down on the bed next to Jeremy and glances at the TV. Peter vaguely recognizes the game; he thinks it’s Zelda, an old one. “I guess I can’t keep pretending like everything’s normal. I just… I don’t know where to start.”  
  
“Start where ever you want,” Jeremy says, trying to make Peter feel comfortable, “Start with something easy. Like… What was his name?”  
  
“His name was Jason,” Peter replies, and he inhales sharply, “Oh god. I’m gonna start crying at some point, just fair warning.”  
  
    “That’s okay,” Jeremy replies, “Just to warn you though, I’m a sympathetic crier.” Peter chuckles. “How did you meet him?”  
  
“We met our first day at Saint Cecilia’s. We were assigned to be roommates, and I thought he seemed like a jerk jock who would make fun of me for liking theatre.” Peter gets a bit misty-eyed.  
  
“But he wasn’t?” Jeremy prompts. Peter shakes his head, a small smile on his lips.  
  
“He played basketball, but he also loved Lord of the Rings and Star Trek and other nerdy things that I love. I fell for him almost immediately.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jeremy encourages.  
  
“We didn’t get together until after thanksgiving break in freshman year, and obviously we both knew we had to keep it a secret, and I was totally okay with that… For a while.”  
  
    “What happened?” Jeremy asks. Peter shrugs.  
  
“Things started to change. Y’know, people seemed to be getting more accepting and I thought… I didn’t want everyone to know, I just wanted to tell my mom. But that was too much for Jason. So he…” Peter sniffs. He’s starting to cry. “He ended things. And I mean, it’s not like we didn’t have problems before that, but. We were always enough. Jason flirted with girls, and he knew it upset me, but he always made an effort to do something to show that he loved me. We were doing Romeo and Juliet and I asked him to audition. That’s where it all started, really.  
  
    “Jason was amazing, like he was at everything, and he got cast as Romeo. Pretty last second, too. It was all pretty symbolic, when I think about it. Matt was a shoe-in for Romeo until Jason showed up, instead he got Tybalt. Ivy was Juliet, I was Mercutio, and Nadia, Jason’s sister, was the nurse.” Peter wraps his arms around himself. “Matt liked Ivy, but Ivy started flirting with Jason. Everyone threw her a birthday party and Jason and I got in a little fight, not to mention Ivy was practically throwing herself at Jason, so I left. I ran into Matt, we got drunk, and it seemed like a good idea to drunk me, because Matt was my friend, so I told him about me and Jason.  
  
    “The next day is when we broke up. It was…” Peter takes in a breath, remembering how Jason had pushed him to the ground, screamed at him, told him to grow up, and then had the audacity to try to make sure that Peter wouldn’t tell anybody about them. He remembers how he’d cried the entire night, how miserable and alone he’d been. He shares his head. He doesn’t want to think about that again. “Really bad.” He screws his eyes shut, trying to get the image of Jason standing over him after pushing him out of his head. Jeremy bites the inside of his cheek.  
  
    “You don’t have to tell me everything if you don’t want to,” Jeremy says. Peter shakes his head.  
  
“No, I do want to. I haven’t told anyone the full story before, other than my mom, but she got it out of me bit by bit. I need to be able to talk about it.”  
  
“Okay,” Jeremy replies.  
  
“So,” Peter sighs shakily, “then Jason slept with Ivy, and she got pregnant. None of us knew. She started missing rehearsals, and Jason and I kind of made up. But then at rehearsal, the night before the show, Ivy told Jason she was pregnant, and Matt overheard, and then the entire cast was there and Matt was furious and he told everyone. About everything. It was a disaster. I was so hurt an- and scared, and Jason needed my help, but I couldn’t.”  
  
    Peter’s not sure how he’s still getting the words out. Tears are threatening to completely overwhelm him at any moment, but he keeps going. It’s like there’s something else inside him forcing him to keep telling the story. “So Jason did what we’ve been told we should do our entire lives if something is wrong: he went to confession. And that really was the end of it all. Jason took drugs before the play and he— he collapsed onstage. He asked me to run away with him before he did it. And I said no. And he’s dead now.” With that, Peter finally breaks down. He reaches behind him, grabs a pillow, clutches it to his chest, buries his face in it, and cries.  
  
    Jeremy places a hand on Peter’s shoulder, trying to comfort him like he had at the mall, but Peter flinches away, so Jeremy gives him space. He mulls over what Peter told him for a few minutes.  
  
“God, Peter, that’s awful. I’m so sorry that happened to you,” Jeremy says. Peter mumbles something, but it’s muffled by the pillow.  
  
“Can’t hear you, dude.” Peter raises his head.  
  
“Everything I knew is gone. Ruined,” he mumbles. Jeremy shakes his head.  
  
“I know it feels like it, but it’s not,” Jeremy says. Peter shrugs, tightens his grip on the pillow. Jeremy latches onto the first thing he can think to say.  
  
    “So something that was really important for me when I went through a bad time was having a support system. Like my dad and Michael were there to pull me back, and Christine and my other friends were a lot of help, and we were able to take care of each other. So uh, do you have anyone like that?” Jeremy asks, “I mean, you’ve got me, but I like, y’know, several states away so that’s uh, not super ideal. What about your friends?”  
  
Peter shrugs. “Well, Jason was my best friend, so uh… But I am close with Nadia. We’ve been talking on the phone at least once a day, kind of looking out for each other.”  
  
“Okay,” Jeremy says with a nod, “That’s good, that’s important.”  
  
    “She’s really the only person from Saint Cecilia’s that I’ve kept up with. I mean, Matt completely betrayed my trust and destroyed our friendship, so I don’t see myself ever talking to him again, if I’m being honest.”  
  
“No, and you definitely shouldn’t. Fuck that guy.” Jeremy knows he’s being a bit hypocritical, because he forgave Rich after bullying him for years, but something like outing someone, betraying their trust like that… Jeremy thinks that’s something that can’t be forgiven, at least not without a lot of time, and it hasn’t been anywhere near enough time.  
  
“And Ivy and I were close, which is part of why it hurts so much. She probably feels the same, and I really don’t think she’ll ever want to talk to me again. I don’t think I was close enough to anyone else. Reaching out to them now would just be weird.”  
  
    “Have you tried talking to anyone else? Like Ivy?” Jeremy asks.  
  
“No. I  I want to talk to Ivy because I miss her and I’m worried about her, but I can’t. She hates me.” Jeremy frowns, because that sounds a lot like something he said about Michael after the play.  
  
“How do you know?” Jeremy asks, “Did she tell you that?”  
  
Peter shakes his head, “But she has to. I mean, after everything?” Peter’s voice breaks on the last syllable. Jeremy realizes that he has to be the voice of reason for Peter, just like Rich was the voice of reason for him in the hospital by pointing out that Michael wouldn’t be visiting him if he didn’t want to at least try to repair their friendship.  
  
“Why? You didn’t do anything to her, and what happened wasn’t your fault,” Jeremy says gently.  
  
“Really, cause it sure feels like it,” Peter replies bitterly, wiping tracks of tears from his cheeks, “I think this would all be easier if I could just blame someone. It’s not Ivy’s fault, she didn’t know what was going on with me and Jason. Lucas was just trying to help out a friend when he gave Jason the drugs. And even Matt… I’m the one who told him about me and Jason. So really, it all comes down to me.” Jeremy shakes his head quickly.  
  
    “No, no, Peter- You can’t blame yourself- Listen, the only one responsible for what Jason did is Jason. And like, yeah you’re gonna wonder if you could’ve done something differently to change things, but that’s not a great thing to fixate on, because you can’t actually fix things.”    
  
“Yeah, rationally I know that. But it’s easier said than done.” Peter sighs. Jeremy’s really not sure he’s the best person to be helping convince Peter that it wasn’t all his fault, since Jeremy is still dealing with his own self-loathing issues (which the Squip’s continuing presence certainly isn’t helping), so he just tries to help in any way he can, and he thinks convincing Peter to talk to Ivy is one concrete thing he can do to help.  
  
“I uh, I don’t know Ivy — obviously — so like, I can’t say for sure what she’s thinking, uh. But I think it would really suck to lose a friend just ‘cause you’re too scared to talk to her. Y’know, she might be mad, but being friends with someone takes effort.”  
  
“Nadia thinks I should talk to her too,” Peter murmurs.  
  
“Yes!” Jeremy exclaims, “She’s right! Especially since you and Ivy probably understand what you’re dealing with better than anyone else.”  
  
“Yeah,” Peter says.  
  
    “So… Are you gonna talk to her?” Jeremy prompts. Peter nods.  
  
“Yeah, I think I’m gonna text her first. Y’know, that way she can just ignore me if she wants.”  
  
Jeremy nods, “That’s a good place to start.”  
  
Peter glances around Jeremy’s room, and there’s a bulletin board on the wall with pictures of Jeremy and Christine and Michael and his other friends pinned to it. Which reminds Peter…  
  
“Oh, can you tell Christine I’m sorry?” Peter asks. Jeremy frowns.  
  
“What for?”  
  
“For the mall today. I kind of ruined the whole trip.”  
  
    Jeremy resists the urge to laugh, because Peter would take it the wrong way, but  it’s genuinely hilarious to think that Christine was offended by what happened at the mall— the same girl whose performance art idea got her and Jeremy banned from the bowling alley. Jeremy knows her, and he knows that if anything, she was just worried about Peter.  
  
“Dude,” he says, “That was no where near the weirdest or worst thing that has happened to any of us at that mall. Don’t worry about it.”  
  
“But she missed the sale because of me,” Peter says, and this time Jeremy can’t help but laugh.  
  
“Trust me, it’s fine,” Jeremy assures him.  
  
“Still… Can you tell her?”  
  
“Yeah, of course.” Jeremy glances at the controller he still has in his hand. “Wanna play some video games?”  
  
“Uh, sure,” Peter replies, “But I’ll warn you, I’ve never really played… any.”  
  
    “What!” Jeremy exclaims, “Not even at a friend’s house? Or like, room, I guess?” Peter grimaces.  
  
“Yeah, we weren’t allowed to have any video game consoles in the dorm rooms. Some people still played on their computers, but it wasn’t really my thing.”  
  
“Okay,” Jeremy says. He tries to wrap his head around it. He’s been playing video games basically his entire life! He can barely remember a time before he was gaming. He glances at the screen. He’s really close to finishing the Water Temple… “I’m gonna finish this temple real quick, shouldn’t take long. I’ve basically just got the boss.” Peter nods. “An- and then we can play something for two people that’s also good for beginners.”  
  
    Jeremy unpauses the game, and Peter watches him play with fascination. He watched Lucas play video games on lots of occasions when they were living together, but he really hadn’t watched anyone play anything other than a shooter game before.  
  
“What game is this?” He asks.  
  
“Ocarina of Time,” Jeremy replies without taking his eyes off the screen.  
  
“But it’s… Zelda, right?”  
  
“Yeah, it’s an old one. A classic. It was released in 97, I think— Shit, maybe it was 98.” Jeremy furrows his brow, thinking, then shrugs. “One of those years.” Peter nods, pleased that his meager knowledge of video games worked out for him. Jeremy fights a big water eel and wins. After he picks up the heart container, he saves and turns off the Nintendo 64, and then he starts up Snipperclips on his Switch. He hands one Joycon to Peter.  
  
    “So this is a puzzle game. It’s really cute, and I think you’ll like it.” Jeremy teaches Peter how the controls work, and Peter catches on really quickly. They complete the first level together, and Peter turns to Jeremy.  
  
“This is the cutest game I’ve ever seen in my life,” Peter says, “What the heck.”  
  
Jeremy beams, “I know!” They keep playing, and in the middle of the third level, Jeremy’s dad gets home and comes into Jeremy’s room without knocking, as always.  
  
“Jeremy, is Peter— Oh, hello Peter!” he says, “I hope you’re settling in?” Peter stands up from the bed and shakes the hand he offers. They’ve never been much of a hugging family.  
  
“Yeah, I am. Thanks, Uncle Paul.”  
  
    “Sorry I won’t be around too much while you’re here. Work’s been keeping me very busy, but well, that’s what Jeremy’s for.”  
  
“Gee, thanks dad,” Jeremy says, smiling. Seeing his dad back to his old self, like he was before mom left, still brings a smile to Jeremy’s face. It’s been long enough now that Jeremy no longer worries that he’s gonna go back to his no-pants wearing ways, so it’s just nice to have his dad back.  
  
“Come downstairs, I brought Chinese take out for dinner,” Jeremy’s dad says, and he leaves the room. Jeremy gives Peter a sheepish smile.  
  
“Yeah… Dad can’t cook, so uh, we’ve been living off take out and frozen microwave dinners since Mom left,” Jeremy explains, “But it’s not— it’s not awful, and I get to eat home-made meals whenever I’m at Michael’s or Christine’s.”  
  
    “I could cook dinner some, while I’m here,” Peter offers.  
  
“That would be grea— Wait, you can cook?”  
  
Peter laughs. “Yeah, I find it relaxing. And now that I’m not living in a dorm and have access to an actual kitchen… It’s over for you hoes.” Jeremy snorts.  
  
“Well, maybe you can teach me some stuff, and then I’ll be one step closer to being an actual functioning human.”  
  
Peter grins at him. “Yeah, that’d be fun.”  
  
“Jeremy!” his dad calls from downstairs.  
  
“Come on,” Jeremy says, “Let’s get some food.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy this chapter was a bit of a rough one to write, because I didn't want it to become just a summary of Bare's plot. I think I succeeded in it being more than that and bringing more insight about the characters. And then I threw in some more video game related fluff bc I can't help myself
> 
> But yes, more plot related things will be happening in the next chapter! Leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summer's complete without chores, so Jeremy, Michael, and Peter clean out the garage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took forever, I was out of town for a few days, plus things are getting busy as I prepare to move. Next chapter shouldn't take so long!

    While they’re eating dinner, Jeremy’s dad offers them a proposition.   
  
“Now boys,” he says, “I don’t want to ruin your fun, but I was thinking it would be nice to clear some stuff out of the garage so Peter can park his car in there too while he’s here. So, I would like you to clean it out tomorrow while I’m at work,” he takes a sip of water, “I’ll even pay you 50 bucks each. Michael too, if you want to enlist him to help.”  
  
Jeremy and Peter make eye contact and shrug at each other. Fifty bucks is fifty bucks. Why not?   
  
“Sure Uncle Paul. We can do that,” Peter says.   
  
“Great! It doesn’t have to be immaculate. I just want you to take everything outside, wash any gunk off it, sweep, and then put everything back away. And check any chemicals. If they’re out of date, throw them out. Same with anything that’s broken. And if you don’t know what to do with something, put it in the backyard and I’ll deal with it when I’m home,” Jeremy says, “I’ll make you a list, that’s probably easier.” Jeremy smiles. His dad is actually giving him chores to do, and it’s such a good feeling that he actually doesn’t mind at all. It’s just more of his dad being a dad again.   
  
    After dinner, Peter and Jeremy return to Jeremy’s room and continue playing Snipperclips. They finish all the two-player levels, and then they call it a night. It’s only about 10 PM, but Peter is feeling ready to go to bed.   
  
“Hey, Peter, one more thing,” Jeremy says, and Peter stops in the doorway, “I uh.” He looks down at his hands, which are balled into the sleeves of his cardigan, “Last fall I tried to change who I was to be cooler and not feel so miserable all the time. There was… This person helping me, telling me I had to do it because I was awful and terrible and no one would ever want to be around me otherwise. I became a real asshole, and I hurt a lot of people. And the person I was worst to was Michael. And when I realized that what I was doing was wrong and I tried to fix things, I thought for sure Michael would never want anything to do with me ever again. But he forgave me, cause he loves me. And it hasn’t been easy, but we’re closer than ever now.” He looks up, finally making eye contact with Peter.   
  
    “Humans are more capable of forgiveness than you think. If you care about Ivy and she cares about you, then you’ll get through it. You just have to try.” Peter bites his lip, thinking, and nods.   
  
“Night Jeremy,” he says.  
  
“Goodnight!”  
  
    In his room, Peter sits down on the bed and begins the daunting task of composing a text to Ivy. He doesn’t even know what he’s going to say to her, but he’s gotta say something, so he just writes the first things that come to his mind.  
  
“Hey Ivy, it’s Peter. I know we haven’t talked at all since graduation, but I wanted to check in and make sure you’re doing okay. Or as okay as you can be doing right now, I know there’s a lot going on. If you want to talk, I’m here. Miss you, hope you’re okay.”  
  
He reads the text over a few times. He thinks it’s alright. There’s nothing offensive about it, yet he hesitates to hit send. He takes a breath, and thinks about what the worst thing that could happen is. Ivy could ignore him, or she could reply telling him to fuck off, which would make him sad, but he thinks he could handle that. With that in mind, he presses send. Now he just has to wait for her to respond.   
  
    In the meantime, he texts Nadia.   
  
Peter: Is Bobby from Company gay????  
    Am I an idiot for not seeing this?   
Nadia: well hello to you too  
    according to sondheim he’s not  
    but death of the author and all that  
Peter: Please don’t use death and Sondheim in the same sentence ever again  
Nadia: oh damn yeah  
    Sondheim is eternal and will live forever!  
    there, now I counterbalanced the negative energy  
Peter: Thank you  
    But really. Gay Bobby. Is that a common thing?  
Nadia: I’m not sure why you think I know   
Peter: I know you spend a lot of time on tumblr Nadia  
    That’s where the gays are  
Nadia: ok that’s fair  
    it’s definitely something people have talked about  
    here’s my thoughts:  
    bobby can be straight, gay, bi, ace, trans, pretty much any identity out there  
    the show’s pretty vague so it can be interpreted in many way  
    it basically comes down to what the director and actor decide to do   
Peter: Nice  
    So what I’m hearing is I’m not an idiot  
Nadia: well  
    not for that reason   
Peter: lol thanks   
Nadia: so how was your day?   
Peter: well  
    I had a panic attack at the mall lmao   
    So not great   
  
    Almost immediately after the text goes through, Peter’s phone starts ringing. It’s Nadia. He grimaces. He should’ve known she’d call after a text like that. He answers the call and puts it on speaker. Peter stands up and starts pacing around the room.   
  
“Hey Nadia,” he says.  
  
“What happened?” she asks, and the usual sarcastic tone is gone from her voice. She’s really concerned.   
  
“It’s dumb,” Peter sighs, “We were at the mall, and something made me think of Jason and I just started to freak out. I don’t really know why.”  
  
“Oh Peter,” Nadia says, clicking her tongue, reminding Peter of a mother hen, “Are you okay?”  
  
“Oh yeah,” Peter says, “I feel fine now. Same as I have been. Jeremy calmed me down, and he and I had a really good talk about everything. It was cathartic.”  
  
    “Good,” Nadia replies, “Don’t let those emotions bottle up inside you.”   
  
“Yeah.” Peter can’t help but think that maybe he could stand to let his emotions bottle up a little more. He’s sick of crying. “But other than that, it was okay. I talked a lot with Jeremy’s friend, who’s gay.”   
  
“Really? Is he cute?”   
  
“No- Nadia! I mean, yeah, but I’m not interested in him- that’s not what we talked about.”  
  
“What did you talk about, then?”   
  
“He just. Reassured me. Told me he knew what I was feeling. And I think it really helped make me feel better.”   
  
    “I’m glad,” Nadia says, “What do you have planned for tomorrow?”   
  
“We’re cleaning out the garage,” Peter replies.  
  
“Gross.”  
  
“Yeah, but my uncle’s paying us.”  
  
“Oh, that’s not so bad then.”  
  
“Yeah, definitely could be worse.” They’re quiet for a few seconds.   
  
    “I texted Ivy,” Peter says.   
  
“Good, it’s about time!” Nadia replies, then her voice softens, “What made you change your mind?”   
  
“It was Jeremy,” Peter says, “He made some good points and I realized I needed to just suck it up and stop living in this weird limbo.” Nadia hums.   
  
“Have you heard back from her yet?”   
  
“No, but I texted her like five minutes ago.”   
  
“Ah, okay. Give her some time.”   
  


* * *

  
  
   Meanwhile, Jeremy texts Michael, asking if he wants to help them clean out the garage. Michael replies, “you know there’s very little I wouldn’t do for 50 bucks.” Jeremy nods, glad to have another person helping. Then he calls Christine, because he knows she was concerned about Peter.   
  
“Jeremy!! How’s Peter?” she asks.  
  
“He’s doing much better,” Jeremy replies, “We talked and then we played some video games together. I think we’re all good.”   
  
“Yay!” Christine says, “That’s great. You probably haven’t been checking the group chat, but everyone misses you.”  
  
“Really?” Jeremy asks somewhat skeptically.   
  
“In their own ways,” Christine laughs, “Brooke’s the only one who said it straight up, but you know how they are. Rich and Chloe are pretending to be mad that you’re busy, Jake thinks it’s lame, and Jenna said she has something she wants to tell you.”  
  
    Jeremy smiles. A warm and fuzzy feeling rises in his chest. It’s nice to have confirmation that his friends actually like him.   
  
“We’ll have to all try to get together this weekend,” Jeremy says.   
  
“Chloe’s already planning something,” Christine informs him, and anticipating his response, reassures him, “Nothing too big, don’t worry. Just a nice hangout for everybody, and Peter’s invited too.”   
  
“Sounds like fun,” Jeremy says, and he hopes Christine is right when she says that Chloe is planning something low key. Big parties are still bad for him, and it probably wouldn’t be a great place for Peter to meet all his friends. He’s pretty sure Chloe knows that, so he tries not to worry.   
    “Oh by the way,” Jeremy says, “Peter mentioned wanting to watch She Loves Me. Maybe you could come over and we could do that?”   
  
“Ooh, yes!” She exclaims, “You know I love that show. Let’s invite Michael too, so Peter doesn’t feel like he’s third-wheeling, you know?”   
  
“Good call,” Jeremy replies, “We’ll do it over here, and maybe I can get Peter to take me to the store and we’ll get some snacks.”  
  
“When? Tomorrow?”   
  
“No, tomorrow we’re cleaning out the garage for my dad… Day after tomorrow?”  
  
“It’s a date.”

* * *

  
    Jeremy opens the garage, and sighs as he takes in the state of the garage. Half of the garage is filled with piles of junk. There are shelves lining the walls of the garage, with labels and boxes where all this stuff is supposed to go, but whenever his dad used something, he didn’t put it back in it’s proper place. His mom was never an organized person; she was actually very messy, but every once in a while she would go on an organizing rampage, and the garage shelves were the product of one of these about five years prior. His dad is more organized than his mom, but he has a habit of letting things build up until it’s overwhelming.   
  
_Another thrilling day in the life of Jeremy Heere,_ the Squip comments. Jeremy ignores it with practiced ease. It’s stayed mostly quiet since the previous night, for which Jeremy has been grateful.  
  
“It probably looks worse than it actually is,” Peter offers.   
  
“Yeah,” Jeremy sighs, looking over the list his dad left.   
  
    A car pulls up, and the music blasting from it instantly alerts Jeremy that it’s Michael. He turns around and waves. Michael waves back, and he sits in the car for another fifteen seconds, waiting for the song to end. The song fades out, and Michael kills the engine, climbing out of his PT Cruiser.   
  
“What’s up!” He calls, flashing a peace sign and walking over to them.   
  
“Michael!” Jeremy greets.   
  
“So, we ready to get this bread?” Michael asks, “What’s the game plan?”   
  
“Take everything out, clean it, put it back in, basically,” Peter says, “Not too complicated.” Jeremy nods.   
  
    “Alright,” Michael claps his hands together, “Let’s get started.” He presses play on his phone, and music starts pumping out from the speaker he brought. They tackle the pile of stuff first, moving everything from the garage and leaving it on the grass of the front lawn to be cleaned and sorted later. There’s power tools, bottles of used car oil, cleaning supplies, cans of paint, extension cords, and a lot of stuff Jeremy honestly has no clue what it’s used for.  
  
“I don’t know why my dad needs all this junk,” Jeremy complains, “He hasn’t used half of it in years, judging by the dust.”   
  
“I think that’s just a requirement for dads,” Michael replies with a shrug.   
  
“And there’s still stuff on the shelves,” Peter says, and Jeremy groans.   
  
“Well, let’s go get it,” Jeremy says, “And maybe I can get rid of some of it without dad noticing.”   
  
    They clear out the shelves, and they take a moment to survey everything laid out on the lawn.   
  
“What now?” Peter asks.   
  
“Take out the shelves and sweep the place out?” Jeremy suggests. Peter shrugs. He has no preference, so he and Jeremy go back into the garage to move the shelves out while Michael drags the hose to the driveway.   
  
    Peter and Jeremy carry the first shelf from the garage and set it down on the driveway so that it can be hosed down to wash all the dust and spiderwebs from it. Jeremy is still wearing a hoodie, which Peter can’t even imagine doing right now. Even in just a t-shirt, he’s sweating. Jeremy’s sleeve got pushed up while they were carrying the shelf, and something on his arm catches Peter’s eye. It’s a scar of some kind, covering the majority of his forearm. Peter’s seen pictures of people who have been struck by lightning, and it reminds him of that. How the hell did he get a scar like that?  
  
    “What happened to your arm?” Peter asks, and Jeremy winces. He quickly pulls his sleeve back down to cover his arm, and Peter immediately regrets asking. He knows asking people about their scars is rude. He’s watched enough people ask Nadia about hers, and he’s seen that it can be pretty triggering. Jeremy’s scars don’t look like any self harm scars Peter’s ever seen, but he shouldn’t assume anything. The words just came out before he had a chance to think about what he was saying, and Peter mentally kicks himself. Obviously, it was something bad. Jeremy opens his mouth to answer the question and grimaces. Michael swoops in and saves him from having to answer right away.  
  
    “It’s a long story,” Michael says, dragging the hose over to wash off the shelf.   
  
“Yeah, long story,” Jeremy echoes, and he gives Peter a smile, as if to say ‘don’t worry about it,’ but his eyes have a glazed look to them. Peter doesn’t push further. He shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.   
  
“Let’s get the other shelves,” Peter suggests, and Jeremy nods, relief washing over his face. Michael shoots Peter a relieved and grateful look. Whatever gave Jeremy those scars must have been bad. Come to think of it, Peter hasn’t seen Jeremy without long sleeves on the entire time he’s been here. Today’s just the first sweltering hot day where wearing long sleeves is noticeably weird. Peter keeps his curiosity to himself, but it must have something to do with whatever Jeremy’s not telling him.   
  
    Peter and Jeremy go back into the garage and bring out the other shelves while Michael washes them off. Each time they pass him, Michael tries to spray them with water, and Jeremy cries out indignantly as he gets splashed, but Peter finds it refreshing. He quickly forgets about Jeremy’s scars. Jeremy helps Michael with cleaning off the shelves, and Peter sweeps out the garage, glad to be in the shade.   
  
“Hey dude, you okay?” Michael asks quietly. Jeremy shrugs, then nods. His arm is tingling.   
  
“I’m just worried,” he says, “I mean, how am I supposed to tell Peter about the Squip if he asks? He’s never gonna believe me.”  
  
“Well,” Michael replies, scrubbing at a particularly stubborn grease stain, “You don’t have to. You could just not tell him everything.”   
  
“Yeah,” Jeremy sighs, “But that’s kind of shitty. Especially since last night he like, bared his soul to me and told me everything. It would be unfair to not return the favor if he asks me to.”  
  
“Then there’s not really much else you can do. Just tell him the truth and if he doesn’t believe you, then that’s his problem.”   
  
“Guess so.”   
  
    Peter comes out of the garage, having finished sweeping. Jeremy and Michael drop their conversation. Michael and Peter move the clean shelves back into the garage, and Jeremy begins tackling the pile of junk in the front yard. He starts by looking for expiration dates on cans and bottles, and he makes a trash pile and a keep pile. If something’s rusted or really dirty, or even gives him a bad feeling, he puts it in the trash pile. He doesn’t think his dad will even notice half this stuff being gone. Tools mostly go in the keep pile, but there are a couple of broken screwdrivers and smaller things that he throws in the trash pile.   
  
    Peter and Michael finish moving the shelves back into the garage, and Jeremy hands them things to take back inside and put on the shelves. They use the system Jeremy’s mom put in place for organization years ago, which brings up a whole host of emotions Jeremy decides he doesn’t want to think about, because he’s already too busy worrying about everything else.   
  
_Just finish what you’re working on now. Do one thing at a time,_ the Squip says, and Jeremy can’t help but be reminded of his therapist.   
  
_Did you… Steal that from my therapist?_ Jeremy thinks back.   
  
_I’m a learning computer, Jeremy,_ the Squip says as means of explanation, _And I am still programmed to help you, even if you won’t let me._   
  
    Jeremy sighs. Getting into an argument with the Squip right now is not a good idea — not that it’s ever a good idea — because Michael will definitely notice, and Peter will also probably sense that something is off and ask more questions.   
  
    Besides… It’s not bad advice. If he went against absolutely everything the Squip suggested, he’d end up hurting himself more than anything else. Jeremy checks the paint cans, and some of them weren’t closed properly and have dried out, so they go in the trash pile. He continues to go through everything methodically, and Peter and Michael put the things away in the garage. Soon enough, Jeremy’s gone through everything, and he helps Michael and Peter to finish putting everything away. Then, Jeremy runs inside to grab some trash bags, and the three of them bag up the trash and put it in the trash can.   
  
    “We did it,” Jeremy announces, and they all high five before collapsing in a heap in the grass of the front lawn. They stay there, listening to Michael’s music for a few minutes, trying to stop sweating, and then they go inside and play video games until Jeremy’s dad gets home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets together to watch She Loves Me. 90% Fluff

    Jeremy pours a bag of pretzels into a bowl, and he takes the bottles of soda they bought out of the fridge. He’s setting up for the She Loves Me movie night. It’s weird. He doesn’t usually host movie nights; it’s always Michael or Christine, so he’s a little anxious about having enough snacks. Peter assured him that they were fine, but Jeremy’s anxiety has never been logical. Peter comes down the stairs with his laptop and gives Jeremy a thumbs up. He hasn’t asked Jeremy about anything else related to the Squip, and Jeremy’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.   
  
    The doorbell rings, and Peter jogs over to answer the door. Christine and Michael must have arrived at the same time, because they’re both on the other side. Christine is positively beaming.   
  
“Hi Peter!” She walks past him into the house, and Jeremy notices that she’s carrying a freezer bag. She comes into the kitchen, gives Jeremy a peck on the cheek, and places the bag on the counter.   
  
“What did you bring?” Jeremy asks, “Peter and I got snacks.” Christine opens up the bag and removes a carton of ice cream.   
  
“Ice cream,” she sings, “Vanilla ice cream!” She giggles. “It’s from the show. I thought we had to have some.”   
  
    “Oh, that’s perfect!” Peter says, “I can’t believe I didn’t think of that.”   
  
“Well, it’s good you didn’t,” Christine replies, “Otherwise we’d have way too much ice cream.”   
  
“That sounds like the opposite of a problem,” Michael says, walking into the living room and plopping down on the couch. Peter also goes into the living room and plugs his laptop into the HDMI cable to the TV.   
  
“Thanks dear,” Jeremy says, smiling warmly at Christine.   
  
“I’ll put it in the freezer for now,” Christine says as she does so, “What can I do to help?”   
  
“Everything’s ready,” Jeremy replies, “Just help me carry the stuff into the living room.”   
  
    They join Peter and Michael in front of the TV, snack bowls in hand, and they settle on the floor in front of the coffee table with lots of pillows to lean on. Michael grabs a handful of twizzlers from the candy bowl. Peter has the video pulled up on his BroadwayHD account.   
  
“Are we ready?” Peter asks.   
  
“Yes!” Christine exclaims, “I love sharing shows with people!” She snuggles up against Jeremy and nods at Peter to press play. Peter hits the space bar and joins Michael on the couch.   
  
“Are you guys gonna sit on the floor the whole time?” Michael asks.   
  
“Yeah,” Jeremy replies.   
  
“We can cuddle easier this way!” Christine adds.   
  
“Okay,” Michael says, turning to Peter, “Guess we’ve got the couch to ourselves, then.”   
  
    As the notes of the overture swell, they settle in to watch the show. Christine gives them a quick overview of the show.  
  
“So it’s set in Hungary in the 1930s and all the characters work at a parfumerie. It’s based on a Hungarian play that also inspired a bunch of rom coms. Music and lyrics are by the same people as Fiddler on the Roof.” She turns to Peter, “I talk a lot during movies but I’ll try to be quiet, in case that bothers you.”   
  
“Oh, that’s okay,” Peter says. He’s used to Jason or Nadia offering running commentary on anything they would watch together. The overture ends, and the opening number begins.   
  
“Baby boy,” Christine says as Arpad comes on stage. She continues to react as each character makes their entrances, squeeing excitedly or sighing happily.  
  
“Ugh, dream role,” Christine announces when Amalia finally enters the parfumerie.   
  
    Peter smiles. He kind of expected Michael to also be the type to talk a lot during movies, but he watches mostly quietly. He reacts a lot, laughs loudly at the jokes, but doesn’t have a lot of commentary. Jeremy whispers his comments to Christine, and she whispers back. It’s disgustingly cute, and it makes Peter feel lonely. He tries to focus on the show instead, which he really loves. He wishes he’d gotten a chance to watch it with Jason, but it probably wouldn’t have been Jason’s type of thing.   
  
    The final song of the first act ends, the audience applauds, and Christine hops up and pauses it.   
  
“Intermission!” she says, tugging Jeremy to his feet, “Come help me get ice cream,” she tells him. She turns to Michael and Peter, “I expect to hear all your thoughts when we get back.” She pulls Jeremy into the kitchen, leaving Peter and Michael alone.   
  
“That got really sad, what the hell,” Michael says, “You said this was a cute rom com!”   
  
“It is!” Peter protests, “It all ends happy, don’t worry.”   
  
“It better,” Michael replies, “Otherwise I’ll never forgive you and Christine.” Peter laughs. “I’m serious, you can’t trust musicals, they all seem happy to lull you into a false sense of security and then they break your heart.”   
  
“That’s just theatre,” Peter says with a grin.   
  
    Jeremy emerges from the kitchen with two bowls filled with ice cream, hands them to Michael and Peter, then goes back to the kitchen. He and Christine come back with bowls of their own, and Christine looks at Jeremy expectantly.   
  
“Give me all your thoughts,” she says. Jeremy grins.   
  
“It’s great! I had no idea Zachary Levi could sing like that, and uh, Georg is just a constant mood. Laura Benanti is wonderful, as always— really, the whole cast is.”   
  
“Yeah, for sure,” Michael adds, “But it got all dark all of a sudden and I’m telling you right now Chris, I’ll never forgive you if that old man dies.”   
  
Christine laughs, “All your fears will be allayed shortly, don’t worry.” She walks over to the laptop and presses play, “We better keep going, we need to get to the scene before our ice cream melts!”   
  
    Act two begins, and Michael actually sighs in relief when Mr Maraczek appears onscreen. Peter finds it quite endearing. Jeremy goes to take a bite of his ice cream, and Christine smacks him.   
  
“You have to wait for the scene,” she says. Jeremy smiles at her sheepishly.   
  
“Sorry,” he says, and she smiles at him. She leans in and kisses him, and Michael boos them.   
  
“Don’t make me come over there,” Michael warns, “There’s only so much heterosexuality I can handle in one night.” Jeremy turns to Michael and playfully wrinkles his nose at him.   
  
    “All you have to do is say you want a kiss too,” Jeremy offers Michael, and Michael’s cheeks turn a bright shade of pink.   
  
“Gross,” Michael says, “Just watch the show.” Jeremy chuckles and settles back down next to Christine. And Peter thinks he gets it. Michael’s had a crush on Jeremy for a long time, and Peter wonders if Jeremy knows it. It’s not really Peter’s business, though, so he focuses on the show instead.   
  
    Soon enough, Georg gives Amalia the ice cream, Christine gestures to all of them that it is now okay to eat their own vanilla ice cream. It’s a little melted, but good all the same. The second act seems to speed by after that, and Peter has a sappy smile plastered to his face the whole time. He really is a romantic at heart.   
  
  
    As the credits start rolling, Christine turns to face the others, a content smile on her face.   
  
“That was very cute,” Michael says, “I’m glad everything came together at the end.”   
  
“Yeah,” Peter adds, “It makes me feel like there’s hope for everyone to find love and be happy.”  
  
“So, Jeremy and I have this thing we do after we watch a show, where we say what our favorite song or scene was and then we also say what character we would want to play in it,” Christine explains.   
  
“Oh, that’s neat,” Peter replies, “Let’s do it.”   
  
    “Okay, I’ll go first,” Christine says, clapping her hands together, “Dream role, Amalia, obviously. And my favorite song is probably Vanilla Ice Cream.”   
  
“Me next,” Jeremy says, “Uh, dream role, I dunno, Georg, I guess? I mean, I think I’d be happy to play anyone but uh, Gavin Creel’s character, whatever his name is. But I did really like his song. Ilona.” Christine’s eyes light up.   
  
“Oh Jeremy, we could do a scene for Thes Con this year! Or the talent show! That would be so fun!” Jeremy smiles.   
  
“That sounds great.”   
  
“It’s just too bad that Georg and Amalia don’t have a duet,” Peter says.   
  
“Yeah,” Christine nods, “But we’ll make it work.” She gestures to Michael. “Your turn!”  
  
    “I’d be the waiter at the restaurant,” Michael says, “Because like, mood. And also, talk about the perfect role. You go out there, do one song, chill backstage, and then come back out for bows.”   
  
“You truly were destined to be a techie, Mikey,” Christine says, and Michael swats at her playfully.   
  
“Don’t call me Mikey,” he says, “As for my favorite song, I liked the twelve days of Christmas song, because that is exactly how salty I am about Christmas shopping.”   
  
“Same,” Peter laughs.   
  
    “Okay Peter, what about you?” Christine asks.   
  
“Well, I think I’d like to play Georg, but no director has ever looked at me and thought ‘leading man,’ so I think most likely I’d get cast as Sipos, in like 20 years, or maybe Arpad now.” Peter says it with a light and joking tone, but Jeremy frowns. Didn’t he feel the exact same way before he got the Squip? Jeremy has to wonder if Peter has spent too long thinking of himself as the player two to Jason’s player one. “And I mean, the title song makes me smile every time I hear it, so I gotta go with that.”   
  
    Michael lays down on the couch, throwing his legs over Peter’s.   
  
“Guys, I just had a galaxy brain thought,” he says.   
  
“What?” Christine asks.   
  
“She Loves Me… But with lesbians.” Christine gasps and jumps to her feet.   
  
“Michael, you’re a GENIUS,” she exclaims. She turns to Jeremy. “Sorry, I might have to do that Thes Con scene with Brooke or Jenna instead.” Jeremy laughs, and dramatically clutches his chest.   
  
“Oh no! Betrayed by my own love!” he cries. Michael makes eye contact with Peter and rolls his eyes, but he chuckles.   
  
“What a couple of drama queens,” Michael quips.   
  
    “That’s us,” Christine giggles, “The originals.” Watching them joke around, Peter feels lonely, and his heart aches. He misses Nadia, and Ivy, and most of all Jason. He misses having people who he can be that light hearted and silly around. He also wonders if he’ll ever be comfortable enough to joke about his sexuality like they do. He kind of withdraws into himself for the rest of the night, watching Christine, Jeremy, and Michael joking with each other and having a good time. Peter knows they’re making a real effort to include him, but he still feels alone.   
  
    After Christine and Michael leave, Peter goes to unplug his laptop, and he passes Jeremy, who’s still sitting on the floor. Peter notices more scars on the back of Jeremy’s neck, and Jeremy can feel his eyes on him. Jeremy’s stomach twists into a knot. He knows Peter’s gonna ask him about them, and Jeremy can’t talk about them, not after such a nice evening. Even looking at the scars on his arm will make him freeze up, like the Squip’s taken over his body again, which he knows isn’t possible anymore.   
  
    “I’ll uh… Can we talk about it tomorrow?” Jeremy says.   
  
“What?” Peter asks, confused.   
  
“Uh, this,” Jeremy taps the back of his neck, trying not to grimace.   
  
“Oh, sure. I mean, we don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” Peter says, concern on his face. Jeremy shakes his head.   
  
“No, I should.”   
  
“Okay.”   
  
    “Night, Peter,” Jeremy says, and he heads upstairs. Peter’s phone buzzes, and he pulls it out of his pocket to check it. A text from Ivy greets him as the screen lights up. He sucks in a breath, shoves the phone back in his pocket, and goes upstairs to read it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so much easier to write, lol. Guess I've got a knack for fluff. I keep saying that actual plot stuff is going to happen soon but I really mean it this time. Some important convos and setup are going to happen next chapter! 
> 
> Random headcanon I have, Michael hates it when people call him Mike or Mikey. Not sure why, but that's just a vibe I get. 
> 
> As always, comments/kudos are most appreciated!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Jeremy finally talk about the Squip, and Peter gets to have his talk with Ivy

Once in his room, Peter reads Ivy’s text.   
  
“Peter, I’m really glad you texted. I’ve written about twenty texts to you but I haven’t been able to find the words. Truth is, I miss you. And I’m so, so scared about the future. I can't deal with my parents, and this baby, and then college… I really don’t know what to do. I feel really alone. Can we talk on the phone some time? Tomorrow, maybe?”   
  
Peter begins to type out a reply.   
  
“I’m scared and lonely too. Maybe we’ll feel less alone knowing we’re not the only ones who are scared. I’m visiting my cousin in New Jersey right now but I don’t think we have anything planned for tomorrow, so call me whenever. Looking forward to talking!”   
  
    He reads the text over a couple times, then he sends it. He’s a little nervous about talking on the phone with Ivy, but his biggest source of anxiety has been quelled. Knowing that Ivy doesn’t hate him and in fact, still wants to be friends makes him feel a lot better. Knowing that she’s also feeling the same things he feels is comforting. It makes him wish he’d listened to Nadia and texted Ivy sooner. Oh well, nothing he can do about that now. He gets ready for bed and falls asleep easily for the first time in a long time.   
  


* * *

  
  
    Jeremy’s in the shower washing his hair, worrying about talking to Peter, when the Squip decides to talk to him.   
  
_If it makes you feel better_ , the Squip begins, startling Jeremy, and he practically jumps out of his skin. The bottles of soap clatter to the bottom of the tub with a crash, and shampoo gets into Jeremy’s eye.   
  
“Mother fucker,” Jeremy swears aloud, then thinks to the Squip, _You did that on purpose_. Jeremy wipes his eye and leans down to pick up the bottles. The Squip does not react, but continues.   
  
_If it makes you feel better, I will apologize for the scars. I was not aware that I could cause them. Although the one on your wrist is mostly your fault._ Oh, of course. The Squip won’t take responsibility for its actions, even as it’s offering an apology.   
  
_Do you actually regret it?_ Jeremy asks.   
  
_No_ , the Squip replies simply.   
  
_Then don’t bother_ , Jeremy retorts.   
  
    The Squip leaves him alone after that. Christine calls him.   
  
“So I went to friend Peter on facebook,” she begins. Christine almost never starts a phone call by saying hello; that’s one thing Jeremy loves about her. She’s very direct. She continues, “And I saw that his birthday is in two weeks.”   
  
“Oh yeah, you’re right,” Jeremy says, “I completely forgot.”  
  
“He’s still gonna be here, isn’t he?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
“We need to plan something for him then! Something special, since he’s having to spend his birthday here and not with his friends.”  
  
    “Christine, I love you,” Jeremy says, feeling his heart swell with affection, “You’re right.”   
  
“Does he have a friend or two we could invite? Who wouldn’t mind making the drive?”   
  
“Yeah, he told me about someone. I’ll see if she has any ideas for what we should do.”  
  
“Awesome! Keep me updated, you know I love to plan stuff. Especially if it’s a surprise,” Christine says.   
  


* * *

  
  
    Jeremy spends the whole morning psyching himself up to talk to Peter about the Squip.   
  
_You’re being incredibly dramatic,_ the Squip sighs.  
  
 _I think I’m allowed to be a little dramatic,_ Jeremy snaps, and with another sigh, the Squip leaves him alone. Peter comes downstairs, and Jeremy is practically vibrating with anxiety. Peter greets him, and Jeremy launches into his explanation. If he doesn’t do it right away, he might never get himself to talk about it again.   
  
    “So about the scars and everything,” he begins, “I’m just gonna explain all of it and get it out.”   
  
“Go ahead,” Peter says, “I’ll just listen.” Jeremy nods.   
  
“Okay, this is gonna sound kinda crazy and science fiction-y but I swear I’m not making it up or messing with you.” He takes a breath. “There’s uh, this experimental supercomputer from Japan called a Squip that you take in the form of a pill, and it’s supposed to help improve your life. And, well, I was miserable and desperate and willing to try anything, so I took one. At first it seemed okay, but everything got out of control so quickly and it manipulated me into doing a lot of stuff I didn’t want to do. Or if it couldn’t manipulate me, it could literally take over my body and make me do it, because it was connected to my nervous system.   
  
    “It also was able to shock me to get me to do what it wanted. An- and that’s where the scars came from.” He pauses, glancing at Peter. He can’t read his expression.   
  
“So it was an AI?” Peter asks.   
  
“Yeah,” Jeremy replies, “It was able to project itself so that I could see it. It was cool at first, but it was awful. It eventually tried to take over the entire school, but Michael was able to stop it. That’s what actually happened at the play. The whole cast got squipped,  but he swooped in and saved the day. All the SQUIPs got deactivated, and everybody wound up in the hospital. I was in a coma for eight days.”   
  
    “Holy shit,” Peter says. He looks horrified. Jeremy feels the need to reassure him that it wasn’t as bad as it sounds, but it actually was.   
  
“So I’ve got the scars and my brain’s a little more messed up now, but I’m mostly okay, really. I got lucky. Most people who have a SQUIP either end up in a mental hospital or seriously hurt after trying to get them out.”   
  
Peter really has no idea how to respond.   
  
“Still,” Peter says, “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”   
  
“Thanks,” Jeremy replies, “Anyway. Now you know. Wanna do something else? We could play some more video games.”   
  
    Peter can tell that Jeremy is anxious to change the subject, and although Peter has a lot of questions, he lets it go. Jeremy obviously doesn’t like talking about it.   
  
“Sure,” Peter says, “Maybe you’ll be able to turn me into a gamer yet.” Jeremy smiles, and they head back upstairs to Jeremy’s room. Jeremy grabs a grey box wrapped in wires from his bookshelf. He begins to unwrap the wires and plug it into his TV.   
  
“I was thinking this game might be a good game for you to try playing,” Jeremy says, “It’s a uh, turn-based RPG, so it doesn’t require a ton of skill, and it’s one of my favorites. It’s a bit old and a little obtuse at times, but I can help you around the confusing bits.”  
  
“I’m willing to try anything,” Peter says, “What’s the game?”   
  
    “Well, that’s a little complicated, cause it’s a Japanese game and it’s actually a sequel, but the original was never released in North America — not until a few years ago, anyway — so in Japan it’s Mother 2 but in America it’s Earthbound.”   
  
Peter doesn’t really understand the intricacies of video game localization in the 90s, so he just nods. Jeremy turns the console on and hands him the controller.   
  
“Get ready,” Jeremy says. The game starts up, and Peter selects a new game on the title screen. “Oh, by the way, some of my friends are planning a little party this weekend, do you think you’ll be up to it?”   
  
“Uh, how many people will be there?” Peter asks.   
  
“Well, there’s me, Christine, Michael, Brooke, Chloe, Rich, Jake, and Jenna, so like nine? It’ll be chill, I promise. No one’s gonna be getting wasted.”   
  
“Oh yeah, that’ll be fine,” Peter says, “It’ll be nice to meet your friends.”   
  
    “Hell yeah,” Jeremy replies. They both turn their attention back to the screen, and Jeremy helps Peter experience one of his favorite games of all time. 

* * *

  
  
    About an hour into their game session, Peter’s phone rings, and his heart starts to race with anxiety and excitement. He hands the game controller over to Jeremy.   
  
“Good luck,” Jeremy says. Peter steps out into the hallway and answers the call.   
  
“Hello?”   
  
“Hi Peter,” Ivy says on the other line.  
  
“Ivy,” he smiles, “It’s so good to hear your voice. How’s everything going?”   
  
    “Well,” Ivy replies, “I’m dealing with being pregnant on top of my parents being pissed at me for not getting an abortion — don’t even get me started — but other than that I’m okay, I guess. I’m dealing with it.”  
  
“I can’t believe they wanted you to do that,” Peter says.  
  
“I know. It only goes against everything they’ve been telling me my whole life, but whatever. I mean, I don’t want to be pregnant. I’m definitely not ready to have a baby, but I can’t just get over that conditioning of ‘if you have an abortion you’re going to hell.’ And I’m not anti-abortion for other people. Just for me, I guess. I don’t know, it’s weird.”  
  
    “Makes sense to me,” Peter says, “It’s your choice, and no one else can make that decision for you. You shouldn’t do anything you don’t want to do.”   
  
“The only problem is figuring out what it is I want to do,” Ivy sighs, “But I guess I’ve still got a few months to figure it out.”   
  
“When are you due?” Peter asks, “If you don’t mind me asking,” he adds.   
  
“January,” Ivy replies, “Just thinking about it fills me with existential dread.”  
  
“I know the feeling,” Peter says. Thinking about college starting makes him want to curl up and stop existing. He’s been having all kinds of second thoughts about college— whether he picked the right school, or even if he should go at all.   
  
    “Anyway, that’s enough about me for now. Are you hanging in there?”   
  
“I guess,” Peter replies, “Y’know, I’m visiting my cousin, cause my mom didn’t know how to deal with me, and things have mostly been okay. It’s been a good distraction from the mess that is my life.” Ivy gives a small chuckle.   
  
“Oh, mood.”   
  
“My cousin’s interesting. He’s a year younger than us, and he’s a huge nerd, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. I’ve met some of his friends and I’m gonna meet even more of them this weekend cause they’re having a party, so we’ll see how that goes.”   
  
“Look at you being all sociable,” Ivy says, “I’m glad things are going good with your cousin.”  
  
    “Yeah. I had a very weird conversation with him earlier today, actually.”   
  
“Define weird.”   
  
“Well, apparently there’s this like, supercomputer called a SQUIP, and he had one—“  
  
“Oh my god,” Ivy interrupts, “Meghan Lloyd had one of those.” Peter blinks.   
  
“What?”  
  
“Yeah, she did. She told me about it a few weeks before she died. I thought it sounded a little crazy, but it explained a lot. Remember how much she changed those last few months?”   
  
    Peter remembers. Meghan had been sweet but shy and a bit meek, and then she did a complete 180. She became loud and boisterous, and she really started to party. She spiraled more and more out of control until it ended with the accident. It had been an awful ordeal for everyone, but especially Matt. Losing his twin had been devastating. Being a twin and going to Saint Cecilia’s was apparently cursed.   
  
“Yeah,” Peter says, “Holy shit.”   
  
“I know.”   
  
    “Did she tell you what it was like? Having one of those things?” Peter asks.   
  
“A little,” Ivy replies, “She was pretty drunk. It took me a while to even understand what she was talking about, and then I didn’t know if I believed her. She said it told her what to do, but sometimes she didn’t want to do what it told her to, but it made her. Mostly she liked it, but it was starting to scare her. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t even sure it was real until it got worse, and then it was too late.”   
  
    “I wonder…” Peter starts, then he stops. It’s a dark thought.   
  
“What?” Ivy asks.  
  
“Well, my cousin said people have seriously hurt themselves trying to get those things out of their heads. And I wonder…” He pauses. “I wonder if Meghan’s accident wasn’t actually an accident.” Ivy goes quiet on the other line.   
  
“Ivy? You there?”   
  
“Yeah,” she sighs, “That’s just… heavy. Did something like that happen to your cousin?”   
  
“No, they found a way to deactivate it before he really got hurt, but he was in the hospital for like a week afterwards.”   
  
    “So that was like, a best case scenario?” Ivy asks.  
  
“Basically.”  
  
“Jeez. I’m glad he’s okay.”   
  
“Me too,” Peter replies.   
  
    “Hey,” he asks, “Change of subject, but what are you gonna do about college?”   
  
“Oh, I’m taking a gap year,” Ivy says, “That’s one of the few things my parents and I are on the same page about. After the year I’ll figure out what I’m actually gonna do. It’s honestly like, the last thing I’m worried about right now.”   
  
“Yeah,” Peter nods, “Maybe I should do that too…”   
  
“I mean, you could. Most schools don’t have a problem with it. People do it all the time. I think it’s absurd for society to expect us to make such an important decision straight after high school, you know?”  
  
“Yeah,” Peter echoes. He can’t even properly grieve Jason because in the back of his mind there’s this constant panic over college. Peter had impulsively withdrawn from Notre Dame after Jason broke up with him, and he had committed to Berkeley instead. He didn’t regret withdrawing from Notre Dame, but he hadn’t really given Berkeley that much thought, and he didn’t know if it would be the right place for him.   
  
    “Anyway…” Ivy says, “I’ll let you go, Peter, but let’s talk again soon, okay?”   
  
“Yeah, definitely,” Peter says, “Love you, Ivy.”  
  
“Love you too, Peter.” They hang up, and Peter takes a second to collect his thoughts. He walks back into Jeremy’s room.  
  
“How’d it go?” Jeremy asks. Peter gives him a thumbs up.  
  
“It was a good talk. I’m really glad I did it.”   
  
“See, I told you it would be good!” Jeremy says.   
  
    “You and Nadia both,” Peter mutters, “Anyway, let’s play some more of this game!” he says louder. Jeremy smiles at him and hands him the controller again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in getting this chapter written, I moved across the country like two weeks ago and started grad school, so there's been a lot going on! 
> 
> Anyway, I'm very pleased with this chapter, and very glad to finally have it done! I got to include some headcanons/theories from tumblr (like Meghan Lloyd and Matt Lloyd being twins.) 
> 
> See y'all again in the next chapter, and comments and kudos are always appreciated!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finally meets the rest of the SQUIP Squad.

    Nadia is sitting in her room, scrolling through facebook when she gets a friend request and a message from someone she didn’t know. She taps on the profile, and she sees that they have one friend in common: Peter. Hm, Jeremy Heere… The connection clicks in her mind. Peter’s cousin. She accepts the friend request and looks at the message.   
  
“Hi Nadia,” the message reads, “I’m Peter’s cousin.” Aha, she was right. “So Peter’s birthday is coming up, and I wanted to do something special for him since he’s having to spend it up here in Jersey. I was wondering if you wanted to come up here for a surprise party? I know it’s a long drive, but I think it would mean the world to him. I’ve got some ideas I wanted to run by you. Like should I invite Ivy? I know they’re just starting to talk again but I thought it might be nice.”   
  
    It makes Nadia smile. She’ll jump at any chance to get away from her parents for a few days, not to mention that she misses the hell out of Peter.   
  
“Absolutely,” she replies, “I’d love that. And I can think of a few ideas of my own…”

* * *

  
    Michael picks up Jeremy and Peter, and now they’re on their way to pick up Christine and go to the party at Chloe’s house. Jeremy had given Peter a rundown on all his friends and what Peter could expect from them. Chloe and Brooke are best friends and on-again off-again girlfriends. (They’re “on” right now, assuming nothing happened between now and the last time Jeremy talked to them.) Chloe can come off as a little prickly, but she really does care about her friends, and she’s making an effort to be kinder. Brooke’s really nice, very girly, and not afraid to show it. Jenna used to be quite a gossip, but she’s realized how harmful it can be, so now she uses her powers for good. She’s a great listener and she takes care of her friends. Then there’s Rich, who had a SQUIP for almost two years and is still figuring out who he really is. He’s very outspoken about being bi, and just very outspoken in general. Jake’s the golden boy. He used to play every sport and do every club, but after a pretty horrific injury he’s trying to find out what he’s really interested in doing.   
  
    Peter hopes he’ll be able to keep everybody straight in his head. He’s nervous. He wants to have fun, but he’s scared he’ll have another panic attack and ruin the party. Jeremy assured him that there was no way he could make this party worse than Jake’s Halloween party last year, (Peter got the feeling he shouldn’t ask what happened there), but still. Peter worries.   
  
    Michael pulls into Christine’s driveway, and Jeremy gets out of the car to go get Christine. Peter’s sitting up front so that the two lovebirds can sit together in the back. Michael glances at him.   
  
“You good?” Michael asks. Peter nods.   
  
“Yeah, I think so,” he says.   
  
“It’ll be fun. Everyone’s really excited to meet you.” Yeah, that’s what Peter’s worried about — disappointing them.   
  
    Christine throws open the back door and slides into the back seat.   
  
“Party time!” she exclaims. Jeremy slides in after her, slamming the door behind him.  
  
“Let’s go!” he says.   
  
“All right,” Michael says, pulling out of the driveway and heading towards Chloe’s house.   
  
    “So how’s everybody doing?” Christine asks.   
  
“Can’t complain,” Michael replies.   
  
“Yeah, same,” Peter adds. Christine smiles at him and leans forward to pat his arm.   
  
“Glad you came,” she says warmly.   
  
“Yeah, me too,” he replies awkwardly.   
  
    “Christine, would you like the aux cord?” Michael offers.   
  
“Ooh yeah, I’ll do the honors,” she replies, plugging her phone in. After a moment, she selects a song, and the opening notes of “Seasons of Love” start blasting through the car’s speakers.   
  
“Oh god,” Peter says, “I’m gonna start crying.” When the words start, they all sing along, belting out each lyric. Jeremy confidently messes up the second verse, and it cracks them all up. Singing and laughing with them, Peter feels much more comfortable and ready for the party.   
  
    The timing is perfect; as the song fades out, they pull into Chloe’s driveway.   
  
“Rent’s not a perfect show,” Christine says, “But wow, that song very nearly is.”   
  
“Yeah,” Peter agrees. Michael turns the car off and they get out. They walk to the front door, and before they even get a chance to knock, the door is thrown open.   
  
“Jer-bear!” The girl on the other side exclaims, pulling Jeremy into a hug.   
  
“Hey Brooke,” he says. She hugs Christine and Michael too. Jeremy clears his throat. “Brooke, this is my cousin Peter.”   
  
“Hi Peter!” she says brightly, “Nice to meet you, I’m Brooke.”   
  
“Hey,” Peter says with a smile. She sure is bubbly and excited.   
  
    “Come on in,” she says, ushering them inside, “Rich and Chloe are in the kitchen getting food ready, but Jenna and Jake are in the living room.”   
  
“Is that them?” Chloe shouts from the kitchen.   
  
“Yep!” Brooke replies.   
  
“About time.” Chloe steps into the entryway, carrying bowls of snacks in her hands.   
  
    “Go sit,” she orders, “We’ll be ready in a second.” She leads them into the living room, sets the bowls down on the coffee table, and goes back to the kitchen. Michael and Christine flop down on an empty couch, and Brooke sits next to Jenna.   
  
“Hey guys!” Jake greets.   
  
“Hey,” Jeremy says, “This is my cousin Peter.”   
  
“Hey Peter, how’s it going?” Jake says, standing up and clasping Peter’s hand, “I’m Jake.”   
  
“Nice to meet you,” Peter says, and wow, he totally gets why Christine dated him. He’s gorgeous.   
  
    “I’m Jenna,” Jenna says from the couch, giving him a little two finger salute.   
  
“Hi,” Peter says, smiling. Jeremy sits on the couch next to Christine, putting his arm around her. Peter sits down in an arm chair, looking around the room. The house is beautifully decorated, with professional family photos hanging on the walls. It reminds him of Jason’s parents’ house — perfect to look at, hiding the family dysfunction beneath. But he doesn’t know anything about Chloe’s family, and he shouldn’t make assumptions.   
  
    “So Peter,” Jake says, smiling a dazzling smile at him and making him feel like he is the sole object of Jake’s attention, “How’re you liking Middleborough?” Jenna snorts.   
  
“Yeah, are you bored out of your mind yet?” she asks.   
  
“Well,” Peter replies, “I spent the last six years at a Catholic boarding school in a small town, so in comparison this is super exciting. Like, you’ve got a mall! We would’ve killed for that.”   
  
“Jesus,” Jenna says, “We gotta get you to the city.” Peter laughs.   
  
    “Peter, have you been to New York?” Christine asks.   
  
“Yeah, as a kid,” he replies.   
  
“But you’ve seen a show on Broadway, right?”   
  
“Of course!” Peter says, “I’ve seen Wicked and The Lion King.”   
  
“Ah, the tourist classics,” Christine grins, and Peter nods.   
  
    “So you’re big into theatre too, then?” Jenna asks. Peter nods.   
  
“Dope,” Jake says. Chloe walks back into the living room, holding a steaming casserole dish with oven mitts. Rich follows after her with a hot pad.   
  
“Get ready for my famous buffalo chicken dip,” Rich announces, clearing a spot on the coffee table and setting down the hot pad. Chloe places the dip on top of it.   
  
“I gotta go get the chips,” she says, pulling off the oven mitts as she goes back into the kitchen. Rich turns his attention to Peter. Peter can’t help but notice the scars on Rich’s face and arm.   
  
    “Hi, I’m Rich,” he says, “I know, I know, I’ve got a fucked up face, but I’m still pretty cool.”   
  
“I’m Peter,” he replies, “Nice to meet you.” Chloe returns with a huge bowl of tortilla chips and a small stack of paper plates and napkins.   
  
“Hell yeah, man,” Jake says, plopping a heaping amount of dip on his plate along with a huge handful of chips.   
  
“Jake, if you drip on the couch I will kill you,” Chloe warns, snuggling up to Brooke.   
  
“No worries, I’ll be careful,” Jake assures.   
  
    Chloe puts on some music, and everyone else digs into the dip. Christine asks about Jenna’s summer job. She’s working as a day camp counselor at the local rec center.   
  
“It’s a lot of fun, sure beats working retail! Kids are wild,” Jenna laughs, “I had a girl ask me if I was her best friend, and when I said that I was her counselor, she burst into tears!”   
  
“God, I love kids so much,” Brooke says.   
  
“Every day sure is interesting,” Jenna replies.   
  
    “Alright, that’s enough about you, Jenna,” Chloe says, and Peter cannot tell if she means it playfully or maliciously.   
  
“Be nice!” Brooke admonishes, and Chloe waves her off.   
  
“What I really want to know about is this mysterious cousin Peter, who’s been keeping Jeremy so busy.”  
  
“Alright, I know he’s new, but there’s no need to interrogate him,” Jeremy says, a mixture between amusement and anxiety on his face. Peter appreciates Jeremy not wanting to put him in an uncomfortable situation.   
  
“I’m just curious,” Chloe says, “The sooner we get to know each other, the sooner the party can start for real.”   
  
“Sure,” Peter says, “I mean, I know I’m the stranger here.” He’s feeling bold, like he can handle anything, and he’s sick of feeling like he’s made of glass. From what Jeremy’s told him, everyone here has been through some shit, so they’re not going to treat him like some breakable baby. “Ask away.”   
  
    “So you’re gay?” Chloe asks, and Jeremy winces. Well, they’re getting right to the money questions. He appreciates her bluntness.   
  
“Yeah,” he replies.   
  
“You’re in good company, then!” Brooke says, “We’re all queer.” Chloe nods.   
  
“Yeah. Me and Jake are pan, Brooke, Rich and Jere are bi, Jenna’s a lesbian, Michael’s gay, and Christine’s ace.”   
  
“But you’ve probably never been around so many gay people at once,” Brooke says, “Catholic boarding school, and all.”   
  
“Well, not since I’ve been out,” Peter says, “But I have been to theatre conferences, so I’m not like. A complete idiot.” Rich laughs, and Peter is glad that someone isn’t being so deadly serious.   
  
    “But really, no one else at your school was queer?” Jenna asks. _You mean other than my dead boyfriend?_ Peter thinks, but keeps that thought to himself.   
  
“If there were, they weren’t exactly telling anybody,” he says instead, “I mean, it was a super conservative school, there wasn’t exactly a Gay Straight Alliance.”   
  
“Wow,” Jake says.   
  
“I can’t even imagine doing it without support,” Brooke says, “I’d probably still be in the closet if it weren’t for Michael and Jeremy and all of these guys.” Everyone murmurs in agreement.   
  
“I didn’t really get to come out, I got outed,” Peter explains. Everyone starts talking at the same time.   
  
“What the fuck,” someone, he thinks Jenna, says.  
  
“That’s fucked up!” Rich exclaims. You don’t even know the half of it, Peter thinks.   
  
    “No one deserves that,” Chloe says, “I’m sorry that happened to you.” Peter nods, grateful. Brooke takes Chloe’s hand. Jeremy mentioned that Chloe used to be the stereotypical mean girl, so it somehow means more coming from her.   
  
“You graduated though, right?” Jake asks, “You don’t have to deal with any of that again?” Peter nods again.   
  
“Yeah, that’s the only consolation there is,” he replies, “That, and my mom is really trying to be supportive.”   
  
“I can see why you would need to have some fun,” Rich says, “I mean, boring catholic boarding school, yikes.” Peter notices that he has a lisp. Yikes comes out yiketh. Peter chuckles.   
  
“Yeah, a party that’s not in a tiny dorm room is very exciting.”   
  
“That’s a little depressing, Peter,” Jake says.   
  
“Believe me, I know,” Peter laughs.   
  
    “By the way, this dip is great,” Peter adds. Rich does an exaggerated bow.   
  
“Thank you sir,” he says, attempting a posh British accent.   
  
“So other than theatre, what’re you into?” Jenna asks.   
  
“Oh, I’m a big ol’ nerd,” Peter replies, “I love sci-fi. Star Trek, stuff like that.”   
  
“Hell yeah, dude,” Jake says, “Nothin’ to be ashamed of in that. Rich has introduced me to the wonders of Star Trek, actually.”  
  
“Well, you’re definitely related to Jeremy,” Chloe says, “Does it run in the family?”  
  
“What, nerdiness?” Peter asks. Chloe nods. Peter laughs. “Maybe.”   
  
    “Alright, that’s enough grilling,” Jeremy says, “Can we actually start the party now?” Chloe sighs dramatically.   
  
“I suppose.”   
  
“Excellent,” Michael says, rubbing his hands together, “Let’s play some games.” For the first time, Peter notices a stack of board and card games on a side table next to Chloe. Chloe begins sorting through them.   
  
“What should we start with?” she asks.   
  
“I vote Cards Against Humanity!” Christine says. The group starts nodding and voicing their agreement. Oh good, it’s a game Peter’s actually played, because the majority of games in that stack are completely unfamiliar to him. Chloe and Brooke set out the cards, and everyone picks up their hands.   
  
    “Anyone need a rule refresher?” Michael asks.   
  
“Nope!” Peter says.   
  
“Okay, Peter, you be the judge first, cause you’re the guest,” Brooke says. Peter nods. He’s fine with that.   
  
“Hmm,” Rich says, “This’ll be interesting. I don’t have a feel for your sense of humor yet.”   
  
“Easy, you just have to be funny,” Peter jokes, and Rich chuckles.  
  
“Oh, why hadn’t I thought of that before?” he replies.   
  
    They play lots of rounds, and Christine absolutely dominates. Peter only wins one round, but he doesn’t mind. He’s having a lot of fun, and his responses make him laugh, which is really all that matters. He gets a few good laughs from Michael and Rich, which is a plus.   
  
“Oh boy,” Jeremy says after drawing a card, “I got my favorite card.”  
  
“Bees?” Michael says, and he laughs.   
  
“Shut up!” Jeremy retorts. Brooke giggles.   
  
“Jer-Bear, you can’t just say that if everyone knows what your favorite card is.” Jeremy turns red.   
  
“Well, now I can’t use it!” he pouts. Christine pats his shoulder.   
  
“There, there, dear,” she says.   
  
    Peter smiles. He’s actually really having fun, and for the first time in a long time he feels relaxes, at ease. Jeremy’s friend group just feels natural. They all know each other so well, there’s no tension between them. Even when they bicker, Peter can tell that it’s all playful, and there’s no real anger. They’re such an unlikely group of friends, but they work.   
  
    After Cards Against Humanity, they move onto a similar game, Red Flags, where they try to make the ideal dates for each other. Peter again finds himself at a bit of a disadvantage, but he doesn’t mind. The fun part is watching everybody make their case for why the judge should pick their date instead of everyone else’s. Peter hasn’t laughed so hard in weeks.   
  
    They get through many rounds, until Chloe makes them pause to figure out what kind of pizza they want to order.   
  
“How about Papa John’s?” she asks.   
  
“No, Papa John’s is disgusting!” Rich protests, his lisp especially pronounced.   
  
“Oh right, I forgot you’re a pizza elitist,” Chloe replies, rolling her eyes.   
  
“I’m not an elitist! I just don’t like pizza that tastes like ass!” Peter giggles. “I’ll literally eat any other kind of pizza,” Rich continues.   
  
“Fine, we’ll do pizza hut,” Chloe concedes.   
  
    They argue for a few minutes over toppings, and they settle on two pepperoni pizzas, a cheese, a veggie, and a meat lover’s pizza. They go back to their game, and after a few more rounds the doorbell rings. Brooke goes to the front door to get the pizzas, and Chloe gets some more paper plates from the kitchen. They keep playing as they eat, although Chloe threatens them with death if they ruin her cards with greasy pizza fingers. When they finish eating, they decide to move onto something else.   
  
    “Can we do karaoke?” Christine asks.   
  
“Oh yeah, that’ll be fun,” Jenna agrees.   
  
“I do love me some karaoke,” Jake says.  
  
“Everybody good with that?” Brooke asks. Peter nods, and the rest of the group also agrees. Chloe starts to get up, but Brooke stops her.   
  
“I’ll set it up,” Brooke says.   
  
“Thanks babe,” Chloe says, and she gives Brooke a quick kiss. Peter very pointedly does not stare, because it’s a completely normal thing, except it’s not for him because he’s never seen another gay couple kiss in person before. God, that’s sad.   
  
    Brooke connects a laptop to the TV, and wow, they even have a microphone, which she sets up as well. They really must do this a lot.   
  
“Alright!” Brooke says, clapping her hands together, “Usual rules apply. You don’t have to sing, you can do a lip sync, and you don’t have to use the microphone if you think it will hinder your performance, but make sure we can hear you! And have fun.” Brooke bows and holds out the microphone. “Who’s up first?” she asks, waving the microphone around enticingly, “Duets are fair game.” Peter glances around at the group, waiting to see who volunteers.   
  
    “I’m just trying to think of a song,” Rich says.   
“I guess I’ll go first,” Christine says, standing up, “Since it was my idea.” She starts typing on the computer, looking for her song.   
  
“Yeah, go Christine!” Michael cheers. Christine blows him a kiss, and Brooke sits back down next to Chloe.   
  
“Hi, I’m Christine Canigula,” she says, slating like it’s an audition. Peter laughs. “And this is Vanilla Ice Cream from She Loves Me, by Sheldon Harnick and Jo Bock.” She presses start and starts her performance. She’s clearly having fun with it, and she captivates the entire room. She plays up the comedy, and she absolutely nails the last note. Everyone cheers and applauds her. Christine bows, a smile beaming from her face.   
  
    “I suddenly remember why we don’t let Christine go first,” Chloe comments, “Because no one wants to follow THAT up.”   
  
“You’re too kind,” Christine says, sitting back down on the couch with Jeremy.   
  
“I’ll go next,” Jenna says, “And this is entirely Christine’s fault for introducing me to Fun Home.” Christine pumps a fist in the air. Jenna searches for her song, and she sings Changing My Major. Peter is enthralled; he’s never heard the song before, and he can’t believe someone managed to capture the exact feeling he felt when he and Jason got together for the first time. The euphoria, the excitement, and the fear.   
  
    As the song finishes, Peter’s chest starts to tighten, and everything gets to be too much. He needs a moment to himself. As Jake is picking out his song, Peter gets up.   
  
“Where’s your bathroom?” he asks Chloe.   
  
“Down the hallway, on the left.”   
  
“Thanks.” Peter walks to the bathroom, hoping no one picks up on his distress. He closes the door behind him and leans against the sink. He takes a few deep breaths, waiting for the tears to come. He feels them pricking at the corners of his eyes, but they don’t seem like they want to. He closes his eyes, breathes in through his nose, out through his mouth.   
  
     _I’m not even sad_ , he thinks, _What the hell._ Well, maybe he is. It’s just not the same kind of sadness he’s felt since Jason died. For the first time, he sees the possibility of moving on, that he will be okay, and maybe he can even be happy. He’s transitioning to a new part of his life, one that Jason will never be a part of, and that’s sad. But it’s inevitable too. A few tears fall, but that’s it/ It’s like he’s finally run out of tears. He can’t let himself feel guilty for continuing to have a life and learning to accept himself when Jason can’t.   
  
    There’s a knock on the door.   
  
“Peter, you good?” He recognizes Michael’s voice. Shit, had he really been in there that long? He can’t hear Jake singing anymore, so he must have been. He looks at himself in the mirror and sees that his eyes are red and puffy.   
  
“Yeah, almost done,” Peter replies. He turns on the sink and rubs some cold water around his eyes, hoping that it will eliminate some of the puffiness. He dries his hands and opens the door. Michael gives him a nod, like he understands why Peter was really in the bathroom, but he’s not gonna say anything. Peter appreciates that.   
  
“Hey,” Michael says, “Rich is gonna sing Lizzo, so that should be an interesting experience.” Peter laughs a bit and follows him back to the others.   
  
    Rich’s eyes light up as they sit back down.  
  
“Fuck yeah, let’s do this!” he says. He launches into a performance of Lizzo’s Boys, rapping and singing into the microphone, directing his performance at each of the boys in turn. Peter blushes furiously when Rich gets to him, but he laughs along with everyone, and it’s fun. It’s an unabashed show of queerness, and it feels so normal. Rich bows when he finishes, and everyone cheers and applauds.   
  
    “Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week,” Rich grins and returns to his seat. Jeremy goes next, singing Telephone by Lady Gaga. Michael joins him afterwards, and the two of them sing the original Pokemon theme song.   
  
“Nerds!” Chloe heckles good-naturedly. Peter realizes that it will be his turn soon, and he needs to think of a good song to sing. Brooke volunteers to be up next, and she sings a Taylor Swift song, an old one, You Belong With Me. Peter thinks that with a different hair cut Brooke could make a good Taylor Swift impersonator. After she finishes, Chloe gives her a kiss and pulls up the song she’s going to sing. Chloe sings some Ariana Grande song, Peter’s not sure which. He gets all her songs mixed up in his head.   
  
    When Chloe’s done, Peter realizes he’s the only one who hasn’t gone, so he stands up and makes his way to the “stage” in front of everyone. He finds a karaoke version of his song.   
  
“Yeah, go Peter!” Christine cheers. Peter flashes her a smile and starts the music. He sings Go The Distance from Hercules, and it feels so right to be performing again, to just allow himself to lose himself in the song. He sings the final note, and takes a moment to revel in the applause and cheers that erupt. He gives a little bow and sits back down, smiling.   
  
    After that, the party starts to wind down. Chloe brings in some cookies from the kitchen, and Peter finds himself arguing with Rich and Jake over who’s the best Star Trek captain. Rich and Jake are team Picard, and Peter is futilely trying to make the case for Captain Kirk.   
  
“Picard is like Kirk 2.0,” Jake says, “He’s literally the Next Generation! He’s clearly superior.”   
  
“Yeah, but he’s also kind of a dick!” Peter counters, “And Kirk’s gay, so there’s that.”   
  
“Hm. that’s true,” Rich replies, “But Picard is better at his job.” Peter lets out a noise of frustration. He looks around the room for someone to back him up. Jeremy is busy cuddling with Christine, and anyway, he would probably be on team Picard too.   
  
    “Michael!” Peter exclaims, calling him over, “You’re a trekkie. Who’s the best captain?”   
  
“Janeway,” Michael responds without hesitation.   
  
“Who?” Jake asks, and Rich smacks him.   
  
“Dude, she’s from Voyager,” he says, “And she’s awesome.”   
  
“Well fuck, why haven’t we watched that?” Jake asks.   
  
“We haven’t finished Next Generation yet,” Rich reminds him.   
  
“Oh yeah.”   
  
    “But between Kirk and Picard, who’s better?” Peter asks.  
  
“Oh, that’s a bit harder,” Michael says, “But I have to go with Kirk. He’s pan, he respects women, and he’s living the dream of banging Spock.” Peter nods enthusiastically. Yes, Michael gets it!   
  
“Is that the dream though?” Rich asks skeptically.   
  
“Do not even fucking talk to me Rich. Spock is hot and that is the hill I will die on,” Michael replies. It seems like they’ve had this conversation many times.   
  
“Yeah!” Peter agrees, “Ask housewives from the sixties. They were all so in love with Spock, not Kirk.”   
  
“I just don’t get it,” Rich says, “Maybe, MAYBE if we’re talking Zachary Quinto Spock, but not Leonard Nimoy.”   
  
“That’s okay, I’m just sorry you have terrible taste in men,” Michael counters, and Peter laughs. Rich flips him off.   
  
    “I’m not into Spock personally,” Jake says, “But I totally get it. It’s all about someone who’s very closed off about his emotions being vulnerable with you.” Peter nods.   
  
“But we’re not talking about Spock, we’re talking about Kirk or Picard,” Rich says.   
  
“Listen,” Michael replies, “Next Gen is probably the objectively better series, and I do love Picard, but Kirk has my heart.” Peter hums in agreement.   
  
“And he’s the original, that’s pretty hard to beat.”   
  
“Well, I think we’ve reached a stalemate, guys,” Jake says, “Agree to disagree?”   
  
“Sure,” Michael replies, “You’re entitled to your wrong opinion, that’s fine.”  
  
    After that, Peter gets sucked into a conversation with Brooke and Jenna about cooking and baking. Rich joins in too, and they talk about their favorite baking shows. Too soon afterwards, it’s time to leave, and they say goodbye to everyone. During the car ride back, singing along to show tunes with Christine, Jeremy, and Michael, Peter feels content. Life is still worth living after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooooooooo sorry this took me so long to get this update posted, grad school is kicking my ass lol 
> 
> But it's done! And I swear I'm gonna keep working on this fic, it's just gonna be a bit slow. It didn't help that this chapter was super big and long. Next chapter will probably be shorter and hopefully I'll be able to get it out quicker, but I'm making no promises. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first multi-chapter fic and certainly my most ambitious writing endeavor yet! i've already got several chapters written and I have the whole thing planned out, so updates should be pretty regular! 
> 
> any and all comments are greatly appreciated :) you can also find me on tumblr @phoebenavarro


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